Friday, January 22, 2010

Co-sleeping

I remember clearly the first time a man farted on me -- and I'm not talking about my brother.

You roll over in the night, you want to be the big spoon, so you cup your body to his, put your arm around his waist, then let it rest on his delightful chest. You nuzzle your nose between his shoulder blades, and you both settle in to the comfort of a warm body. Then: Pffft. Against your thigh.

Here's the question: Is it rude to roll over? Do you just pretend it didn't happen?

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dear DatingIsWeird.com

**Short and sweet from anon. today.

Dear DIW,

I'd like to thank the former intern for dumping me and two days later taking the job I have wanted for a year. You rock.

Love
Anonymous

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Vagina Power

** We don't recommend watching this at work. Or in front of children.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I love you, internet

My first boyfriend was an anarchist. An anarcho-syndicist, to be precise, and a young student of philosophy. Big Nietzche fan. So, naturally, he didn’t believe in “love.” I did, though. And I was in love.

I wanted desperately to tell him I loved him, but I was terrified of saying it first. So I moped, and pined, and whenever he said anything that began with “I love …” I froze in anticipation. The sentences always ended with something like “this slice of pizza” “this weed” or “Hegel’s dialectical method.” Maybe, if I was lucky, it was “I love your ass.”

So finally, one drunken evening (Now, I can’t remember how far along the relationship was at this point. I felt like we’d been together FOREVER and would be together FOREVER and that my soul was his soul, and that there was no other love like ours, but in reality it had probably been a month. That’s the equivalent of a decade when you’re 15), we were laughing about something, and I did something really funny, I have no idea what, and he laughed, “I love you!” And apparently the look of soaring joy on my face was too much for him, and he explained that he didn’t mean it THAT way. So, naturally, I cried.

And since then, in relationships, I still have never said the “L” word first. Not-a-once. A lot of women I know don’t. I will ask a man out, I will tell him where to put it (literally and figuratively), I’ll take all kinds of risks in relationships. But the “L” word? No way.

What about you, gentle readers? Do you say the L word first? What’s it like?

p.s. Do any of y’all do this twitter thing? I do. Find me at Twitter.com/serialmono