Saturday, September 11, 2010

Dear Serial: Is this legal?


Dear Serial,

I attended my cousin's wedding. Yes, the reception was open bar. There was a guy there and... truth be told, I knew he was on the Bride's side too because he managed to sit next to me at the wedding proper. We exchanged pleasantries and photos of the wedding.

Later, we ended up running away from the celebration and mindlessly making out on streetcorners throughout downtown Major Midwestern City. We have since done the other rather more naked things that people tend to do.

He is my father's brother's widow's great-nephew. There is no real blood connection so we think we might be okay (despite the fact that we are both the black sheep of our families). Oh, yeah, and I don't really look my age and he's 12 years younger than me. Still, is this illegal? He's 23... so it's probably legal in most states.

Help me,
"Sophia"




Dear Sophia,

I had to draw a picture to get this one straight in my head.



OK, so I'm not really great at drawing family trees (And I totally gave him Justin Beiber hair). Basically, it looks like while you guys are of the same generation. I'd go so far as to say you're family, but I'm not pulling the incest card. I googled family relationships and looked at some charts written by people who understand this shit, and I don't think you're actually any kind of cousin, not even a cousin 14 times removed.

As for the age, yes. You're cool.

So, legally, we're all good.

The real question is whether it's OK, morally. And I say, yes. Not only is it OK, morally speaking, but it's pretty hot. Forbidden fruit, but without the yucky concerns of arrest or babies with arms growing out of their foreheads.

Fact is, people are supposed to hook up at weddings. That's what weddings are for. It's not about the couple. Weddings exist for the purpose of making old ladies cry, giving people the opportunity to dress up, and giving all of us an excuse to get wasted and get laid. Even if you're humping a way younger, almost-relative. Or, maybe especially if you're humping a way younger, almost-relative.

Rowr.

Love,

Serial



Got a question for Serial Monogamist? Oh, sure you do. Send them to seriallymonogamous[at]gmail[dot]com

6 comments:

Catherine said...

LOL - I love the picture. Helped me follow it a bit better. They are totally A-Ok!

Anonymous said...

Oh, the young men look so nice in their little suits at weddings. It's almost a shame when you see them again and they are driving a piece of shit and wearing their lame ass mall kid clothing with their hat on backwards.

Dating Coach said...

Age should not be a constraint if both of you are serious about your relationship, as far as cousin thing goes no need to scratch your head with respect to that.

FabuLeslie said...

You are totally spot on, there!

Plus, I was watching the Secret Lives of Women the other day, and they said it's actually fine to date your real first cousin in most states, and the chance for genetic defects is hardly more than normal. So, keep that in mind as you're cruising your hook-up options at your next wedding.

Laura said...

LOL!! I LOVE your answer Serial! :) The picture was indeed very helpful!
Sophia, don't worry! I think you got it going on good!! ;) Age wise it's all good and family-relation wise it's cool! Get it on!

sarah said...

The drawing's a great idea, I'll use it when I get lost in family relationships.