Thursday, January 8, 2009

Dating Married Men : Part Deux

As promised, the second installation of why it's a really bad idea to date married men:

I didn't realize it was a date until he saw a female friend who looked first at me in confusion then at him questioningly then back at me in disgust and then turned to him and said, "How is (wife's name)?"

It wasn't that I didn't know he was married. I've met her. And their two kids. It was that he asked me out to drinks to discuss "work." Or so I thought.

"I'd like to run some ideas by you about my book business," he wrote in an email. "And it'd be nice to catch up over some whiskey."

Now if you've followed this blog even a little bit, you're aware I love whiskey and hate bad pick up lines. I'm also a bit of a geek so a book discussion over whiskey invite is heaven. It's also a brilliant cover.

We met at a swanky bar downtown and ordered top-shelf scotch-bourbon with a tasty appetizer. The conversation meandered through the usual catching up then veered towards discussion of building crushes. Evidently the men in his office had crushes on the various young women in the building (I used to work there). I feigned ignorance and ordered another.

He kept asking me about my personal life - what I was up to these days, what did I like to do on the weekends, etc. - and was reticent when asked about his wife and children, whom I asked about frequently. Truth be told though, I was alright with having a few drinks on a married man's tab until his female acquaintance walked up and gave me the stank eye like I was the one in the wrong.

Tangent: women, instead of blaming each other when a man's being a dog, blame him. This seems obvious to me, but for whatever reason, the majority of women will go after the other woman like she's the one cheating. I have a few stories about this as well, mostly about being physically threatened and harassed by crazy girlfriends who think their boyfriends are cheating on them with me, but I'll save that for another post.

At one point I asked if he had to go given that it was getting late and a school night and he said that he had told his family he would be working late. Sketch.

As the third round of drinks were finished, I thanked him for a pleasant discussion, pointed out we hadn't even once mentioned books and wished him well. No mention of the possibility of meeting again, nothing about the awkward tension introduced by female friend, just a nice and formal "thank you."

"I'm sorry we didn't even talk about books! We'll have to go out again soon," he said.

"Thanks again. Tell (wife's name) I said hello," I replied.


Serial Monogamist said...

If you're going to take on a mistress, this doesn't seem like the way to go about it.

I'm just sayin.

Christine said...

It is amazing what men will do behind their wives backs. I have sadly experienced a similar thing and lost a good friendship in process.

I've never been one to promote having a mistress, but I guess it is a personal choice of the males and hopefully his wife isn't absolutely murderous crazy!


Anonymous said...

Oh please, like women don't cheat?

In fact, women cheat more often than men, we're just better at it and don't get caught.

Amy said...

Agreed to Victoria Jones, we women do cheat often than men :)

We're the best in acting lol

karylle said...

If it is meant to be, our hearts will find each other when we meet. And if our hearts melt together so will our bodies and souls. Then every word and every touch will fuel our passion flame. I will be yours, you will be mine, and we will be one.

email lists for sale said...

Exactly why you shouldnt go out when you are married guys do not respect it what so ever. And you shouldnt be going out anyway when you are married.

online pick up said...

I agree that most men seem not to care if someone is married. Attraction is attraction and many have the attitude that it is simple survival of the fittest. Anyone is fair game.

two to tango said...

my god - you're upset you got the stank-eye when you're on a date with him? like you're so freakin' innocent...i didn't know what was happening, it was the that conniving man, i'm just a poor, innocent little girl boo-hoo...

jesus christ honey... are we going back to when men had brains and women were helpless? is that your final answer? really?... you know EXACTLY what you were doing, or should have, if you have half a brain you are just rationalizing it after the fact once you got guilty.

so fool around, don't fool around.. whatever. that's you're prerogative. but don't go playing poor, clued out female - you're setting the cause of women back to the stone age.

Olivia Hamsley said...

Two to tango went on to blame the woman. I know, if we women stick together, there would be no cheating. But really, our friend here didn't have an affair with a married man. I bet if you walked through your office, almost every man you work with has taken a woman out for lunch or drinks "for business" but mostly because they like her and want to enjoy her company.

In my business, I deal mostly with men. And the ones that really like me, take me out a lot. Frankly, we do business, we share a few drinks and we have a lot fun, and I GO HOME ALONE. There is no harm in that. If things seem to go sideways, I am always clear. No affair. If it goes really weird, I don't go any more. Simple as that. No harm.

Brody said...

Can definitely see where this is going... Humans evolved with adultery as the norm with polygamy also a norm in most societies. It happens.