You’ve got to love a quality text message conversation.

I’ve had dwindling feelings about Tex for a while. Every word out of his mouth makes me cringe. Our conversations are mindless and pointless.

We actually hadn’t spoken in more than a month, which is why what happened a few weekends ago came as such a surprise.

It started with “1 new message” after work.

“Tex is in town.” It was from Tex himself. Yes, he texted me in the third person.

My answer was short since I already knew what was coming. Some time went by and I got another message.

“Where are you?”

I’m at home fucker and you’re not coming to see me.

“Home.”

I had to keep up the theme of one-word answers to get my point across, and I felt like being passive aggressive about it.

“Can I come in your back door tonight?”

I get the double meaning but he did, in fact, mean it literally.

Damn, how do I answer that in one word? No you can’t come here tonight, or any other night. Those nights are over.

“Nah. How long are you in town for?”

“I’m sleeping in my car tonight and leaving early in the morning.”

What?! Were you so sure that I was going to let you come see me that you chose not to find another place to stay? You thought if you waited long enough to tell me you were in town that I would feel guilty about you sleeping in your car? No way, Buster. It’s your own fucking fault that you’re now sleeping in your car. There are other places for you to stay.

I ask about his friend, and why he’s not staying with him. Nothing. The next remark came later in the evening and jarred me the most.

“Can I sneak in through your window?”

Creepy.

I relay this to Big A, who’s been getting a play-by-play. His remark amuses me. “You mean like B & E?”

It humors me so much and I’m so annoyed at this point that I decide that the remark is the proper response to Tex.

“You mean like breaking and entering?”

He was either passed out or not as amused as I was because I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the night.