The Band

Or: How to ruin your ex’s birthdays for the rest of his natural life in ten steps

Step one: Find out that one of his favorite bands is playing on his birthday, in town, in a tiny venue.

Step two: Go to the show with him… not like WITH him, but with his friend group.

Step three: Dress really well. Drink. Dance. Take some pictures. Get up really close to the stage.

Step four: Find out where the band is drinking after the show, and then drag him and his friends there.

Step five: Get autographs and strike up a conversation with the band.

Step six: Have the guitarist buy him a birthday drink. Accept several free drinks from said guitarist, since he asked, thank you very much.

Step seven: It would be a huge plus if the guitarist has a foreign accent.

Step eight: Find out that the guitarist was just standing in for their usual guitarist, but that he usually tours with a much more well-known band that you are also a fan of.

Step nine: Get yourself invited back to the hotel to party. Make sure the ex and his friends have got an invite too. Party like a goddamn rockstar, but keep your clothes on.

Step ten: Apologize. He will never be able to top that as a birthday party. Ever.


-Slightly Disheveled