Sunday, June 5, 2011

Leprechaun vs. Ginger

Bringing you an important post by Lady Kay, which prompted this Dater to ponder 1) where the line between ginger and leprechaun lies, precisely, and 2) when does it become a good idea to forget all yer mama told ya and tell a guy to just get the eff out.

This is about the time I fucked a Leprechaun.

I have to preface this story by saying that I missed being slutty when I was young. I was more of a prude. I had a longish-term relationship followed by marriage, followed by a very long-term relationship. So my number is still really low at my ripe old age of... oh, never mind.

I met him online. We emailed a few times and then talked on the phone one night. It was late, I invited him over. In his profile picture he looked like a leprechaun, albeit a 6' leprechaun. I hoped he would look less leprechauny in person. He didn't. Damn.

We talked for a while, I drank some. Drank some more. He was nice enough and I was drunk enough so I asked him to stay. Things started. He started moaning. Ew. He asked to turn the light on so he could see, not me, but his dick. Maybe leprechaun dicks disappear in the dark? I don't know. He moaned some more. Too much. I did not come. And I couldn't sleep.

In the morning he asked if I was wet. Wtf? I just woke up!! He asked if I like "morning lovin' ". Um, not when you put it like that. And generally not with strangers. When he was done he asked if I came. No. No, I didn't. He muttered "sorry" and went to the bathroom. Wow. Thanks.

He stayed too long. He's very much into astrology and talked about charts and suns and moons. I was hungover and just wanted to go back to sleep and recover and forget the whole experience. I needed to forget that I fucked a leprechaun. A ginger. My mother would roll over in her grave, only she's not dead. So she'd puke if I ever told her. Which I never, ever would.

I think being slutty is best left to the young. The young and stupid.
It was a valiant effort, anyway.


Devon Brown said...

I guess I am a little confused... So it is a bad thing to have casual sex with a red-haired man? I know a lot of guys see red-haired women as being feisty and quick the score. Interesting...
Also, I wouldn't necessarily call one one-night stand to mean that you are slutty. I think sluttiness necessitates an extended period of activity.
- Devon

Serial Monogamist said...

I think one of the problems with one-night stands is that they so rarely lead to actual satisfaction for women. Too many men neglect to take care of women except those that they're actually interested in a relationship with.

Did you see Bridesmaids? I think FAR too many men fuck like the A-hole at the beginning of the movie when they're on a one-night stand.

Also, I heart gingers. Not sure what your problem is with them. I mean, if he's ugly, he's ugly. It has nothing to do with being a redhead.

"Slightly Disheveled" said...

There is something about red underarm hair that makes me want to scream and run away. However, I agree with Serial that most guys are only in it for themselves with a one-nighter. All a one-nighter means to most guys is that they don't have to play with themselves (again) that evening before bed.

Katrina Lees said...

I know a lot of guys see red-haired women as being feisty and quick the score. Too many men neglect to take care of women except those that they're actually interested in a relationship with.

Darren Miller said...

Hi Dating is Weird and Frenchie.

Your article reminded me of a time in my early years when I playing the game and realized I was on to something here, by that I mean I got a lot of attention from girls.

So what happened was, I broke up with my girlfriend after she cheated on me. I was in the mood for some action that night with any girl (good looking obviously, ha!) I searched through my phone and texted near enough every girl in my contacts list while I was at home drinking.

I got a reply from one girl who wanted to come over, so I invited her round for a drink, and to my absolute surprise she wasn’t who I expected it to be. From what I thought I remembered she had brown hair. But she had ginger hair with a husky voice.

I must have been drunk when I got her number, to forget what she looked like. We had a few drinks I ended up sleeping with her. What a mistake, because after that I kept on getting calls every day from her.

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Ariful Islam said...

Never date a woman whose father calls her 'Princess.' Chances are she believes it

Dollsworld said...

Brilliant! Well at least you can tell your friends with a smile on your face that you had some leprechaun loving!!! he he. Good story, sorry it was a weird one for you though!!!!

I feel your pain sister, had a few very dodgy dates recently!

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All the best,


Marc said...

He wanted morning sex before he had his Lucky Charms? Doesn't sound like a real leprechaun.

Mel @ Dubious Dating said...

No pot of gold at the end of that rainbow?

Paisley said...

I love when they ask if you came and then when the answer is no they still do nothing to change that, ugh!!