How to tell if your long distance non-relationship is headed for failure.

A. You have to think really hard about what interesting thing you will talk about when you finally call him back so you don't end up talking about the weather again.

B. When he asks you what you're wearing in a voice that makes you want to hurl, your first instinct is to hang up.

C. You're still not having anything resembling an interesting conversation and he goes for the gold:

"Do you think we have good sex?"

All the real answers run through your head before you finally just say a simple, "Yes," just to get off the whole painful topic.

D. You tell him you have to go because "I have to go talk to my roommate."

E. Your entire conversation just makes you want to cry. Or laugh. Or both at the same time. Because it was just that painful.