Friday, September 24, 2010

The Manwich

The night began with a "really very large" case of beer and a bottle of "really very cheap" gin.

My new Boyfriend had his Best Friend over and we set right into the task at hand: drinking everything in the house. After the usual pleasantries, we talked the usual BS, then turned on the music. What music? Whatever. Drunk people are very bad at making decisions. How much did I have to drink? I have no idea. I didn't care at the time. The beer was gone and the gin was hiding from us and there was MUSIC!

We were all three dancing in the living room and both the Boyfriend and his Best Friend had their shirts off and we were all three doing some lovely grindy-type thing. God Bless... um... whatever saint is in charge of the intoxicated. My Boyfriend was hot, his Best Friend was hotter: I could think that because I was really really drunk!!!! Yippee!! I decided to step out of the Manwich and maybe kinda...watch for a little bit. Yes, Boyfriend kept sexydancing with his Best Friend. Really hot, gay 100% Y Tu Mama Tambien moment right there in the living room. I finally understood WHY guys would want to watch two hot chicks making out at a bar. Young, shirtless... Amen!!! I slipped back into the lovely sweaty shirtless two man grindy thing because they were really taking this a little too far. I was making out with my Boyfriend... wait. Um. My Boyfriend was like a 29 waistband and... hugging this didn't feel like... HOLY CRAP NICE ABS!!!! Oh, sweet baby jeebus I was faced the wrong way. Yeah. But the Boyfriend noticed it too. Exit: Now Ex-Boyfriend. Me: Damn, what just happened? Best Friend: wanted to keep making out.

I'm not going to say that it was BECAUSE I'd been upstairs watching his porn while he was at work... but I had been. That was actually WAY more porn than I've ever seen. The one porno I had seen at the age of 20 made up the whole of my experience with the genre. I thought of it as field research, actually. The vast majority of it involved women with more than one man, so I guess a man's porn really doesn't have anything to do with his reality. Guys have always said that to me...

10 comments:

Queen of the Rant said...

BAD GIRL!

"Slightly Disheveled" said...

I know. I was dating "on the rebound" which was a bad idea in the first place, and had only been seeing him for about two weeks.

Anonymous said...

Sounds suspiciously like would-be fantasy from watching too much porn. Way too much porn.

Shiny Rod said...

Well, now I'm all hot a bothered!

Dating With an STD said...

The best advice is don't drink and dance. You will be safe.

Peter said...

very interesting site and take on dating.

Gene Miller said...

LOL @ at the title. I agree with the poster who talked about too much porn.

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Anonymous said...

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"Slightly Disheveled" said...

True story. I slept in my car because I was kicked out of my boyfriend's house and was too drunk to drive home.