Thursday, February 24, 2011

Honey, let's agree to lie.

I was new in town so I joined an online dating site. I thought he was a cutie and "winked" at him because his profile said he was looking for someone like me. His reply: are you for real? Our third date was a weekend trip to New York City... complete with boho dinner party at the Hotel Chelsea for our friends. He opens doors ...and pulls out chairs ...perfect. "Trip" is my favorite man. Ever. He's so perfect (in such eccentric ways) for me that when I describe him to my friends, they ask when the wedding will be. We have not gotten that far yet. Baby steps. One of the steps: meet the parents.

We were invited to dinner. Wednesday night. No big thing, right? WRONG. His dad's house is out on an island. You can only get out to the island (by car) if you have business on the island and there's a gate house on the bridge. It's VERY exclusive. His dad lives in an Italianate palazzo on "East Egg" Island and I grew up in a crappy condo in "The Valley of Ashes". The initial panic passed. I should have known that "Trip" came from money like that because his name is a Firstname Middlename Lastname III but it never occurred to me that it might be Like This. After dinner we're sitting by a roaring fire (the fire place large enough to roast a pig) sipping lovely red wine discussing stuff. Dim light glints gold off of the Directoire and Empire furniture's overstuffed silks. Yeah, it was like that... I felt like I had invaded Masterpiece Theatre. It was lovely. Absolutely lovely.

"So, how did you meet?"

Oh, crap. The evening started to crash. I looked at "Trip". He looked at me. Deer-in-headlights-style. Do we tell the truth? We have not discussed this yet.

"You just met a few times around at bars or something?" Dad's a psychiatrist, good luck lying to him. He sensed something.

"We met through new social networking tools. Computer stuff, dad."

GOOD SAVE. Dad does not check his e-mail often. Knows nothing of Facebook or internet dating sites. Leave it to a son to know how to lie to his dad.

I just wish that we would have discussed what we're going to say when people ask how we met. It's horrible to have to say that you met on an internet dating site. Or at least I think it is. I'm meeting all of his friends this weekend. Vague answers about the intertubes won't fly with them. I think we're about to overplay the importance of our one common Facebook friend (he went to art school with someone I used to work with). We need to agree on a lie and then stick to it. Otherwise, there's going to be a few awkward silences this weekend.

18 comments:

Frenchie said...

YES. Coordinating lies is absolutely key. That's a lesson for love and for life!

Beth said...

As someone who also met their boyfriend on a dating site, I also felt really weird and lame telling people that's how we met at first. But now we've been together over a year and it has become kind of comical and I don't feel shame when I say it. It also helps that a surprising large portion of our friends are using the same site (or have in the past), which surprised me when I found out. Internet dating is really not as weird as it used to be. I kind of think of it on the same level as "we met at a bar."

Serial Monogamist said...

I once went on an internet date with a guy whose profile included "willing to lie about how we met."

That said, I know plenty of people who met online, and I honestly don't judge most of them for it. The ones I judge for it are people I don't like much anyway.

Really. I know couples who met on match.com. They're perfect for each other. And I have one brilliant friend who says that the internet is an ideal place for the literate to meet up, because you can filter out the scum easily by judging them based on ability to spell and punctuate.

relationship said...

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UK Online Dating, London Online Dating said...

very true Frenchie

"Slightly Disheveled" said...

After discussing it, we decided that meeting on a website was better than being a "dragback" from a bar. As much as I wanted to lie about it, I guess it makes sense. We both liked what Serial has to say about being able to edit out all of the idiots by looking at the spelling and grammar mistakes in their profiles.

On another note, he caught him about ten seconds away from clicking on this blog. He was using my computer and I have it bookmarked. EEK!!! Maybe I should tell him that I blog so he doesn't find this out by accident.

Organic Meatbag said...

It's better than meeting at the free clinic!

Serial Monogamist said...

SD: Yes yes yes, confess now! You don't want him to be taken by surprise later. Just drop it into conversation, "I was looking at this dating blog I sometimes write for and blah blah blah." I wouldn't build it up into confession, or he'll think he has something to worry about.

Jennie Lee Williams said...

Ah, don't be embarrassed. So many people meet online, and like you said, it's better than at a bar! (I actually wrote an article exactly about that...) I was engaged to a guy I met online, and I was kind of embarrassed to tell people that, but these days nobody bats an eye. In fact, I think a lot of people think, "Hmmm... I should try that..."

Unapologetically Mundane said...

About 90% of my friends have met their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives online at this point (wait, does that mean I'm a dork?), so I don't think it has the same stigma it used to with us young'ins. I still plan to lie to my dad for life about the things I'm doing on the Internet, though.

Double Your Dating said...

With the help of this blog I just wish that we would have discussed what we're going to say when people ask how we met. It's horrible to have to say that you met on an internet dating site.

Abby said...

Love this post! I think that as the internet grows and grows, it's going to become less embarassing to admit to your friends and family that you actually met your partner online.

The Drunken (Web)master said...

I don't get why it's horrible to say that you met online. Own your choices. If it matters that much to people in your world, perhaps you should question how much THEY should matter to YOU.

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Adri said...

I have dated online, and admitting that the interwebs made the connection is always tough. I feel that it's more acceptable now, but coordinating lies is always good as well :)

the truth about online dating said...

I mean... Is this story real?...Hahhaha

Dating Chat Rooms said...

such a kind of lies are approved in order to keep our relatives in calm) what for to give ur mom information she is unlikely to hear)

Anonymous said...

You think meeting on a dating site is embarrassing? My boyfriend spent weeks agonising over how to tell his new college housemates (a bunch of ROTC guys amongst whom he's very much the odd one out) that he had a girlfriend who not only lives in another country, but that he met on a Mass Effect roleplaying forum. If that's not the geekiest / most embarrassing way to meet someone, I don't know what is.

For the record, they eventually found out about me when he left his Skype logged in and they could see all our sappy messages, but how we met is still a mystery. Meanwhile, on my end, plenty of people know the story (though I usually skip the 'roleplaying' bit, since people seem to assume it's sexual), but I still feel awkward telling it.