Thursday, March 3, 2011

Stereotypes

So, I've been thinking a lot about stereotypes lately.

Between my and my friends' dating experiences lately, stereotypes have come up a lot. For one pal, it was a guy "acting like a chick" when he spilled his guts about feeling nervous and hesitant in their young relationship. For another, it was having her little white girl mind blown when the black guy she started sleeping with turned out to be extremely well-endowed.

Point is, these things stick around because they're true. But do they have to be? When it comes to biological features (so to speak), these things are inescapable. Do we have to say that a dude acts like a chick, though? Why can't he just be sensitive, or honest? The worst part is that so many of us feminist, intelligent, open-minded chicks are guilty of this. We want sensitive, honest, open men, but when they show their feelings, even WE say they're being too feminine.

And how about stereotypes and double standards? Why must they frolic about datingland like two such best friends? In fact, I think I conflated them in that last paragraph. As a girl who's "one of the guys," "the funny fat girl," and "too smart for her own good," I've been placed into several of the categories that act as both stereotypes and double standards. When you break it down, these all presuppose that a certain quality in a person means that she (in these examples) will have certain behavior. (Ex., Smart girl = nothing but hassle. Smart guy, though...)

Here's my upshot on all of this: Be your gotdamn self and let others do the same, especially your potential loves. Keep an open mind and just let things come.

As a control freak, I find this crazy hard to accept, but I try. I really do. We'll never be rid of stereotypes or double standards, so I say accept them for what they are - half truth, half lunacy, and zero relevance to that attractive person across from you. Take it from the little white girl who got her mind blown.... ;)

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this. i have been looking for a quality article for some time now.

eDatingTalk said...

In a way, yes dating is really weird..and where else could you find these weirdos but in an online dating sites...there are plenty of them. However, if we take a closer look, maybe these people who are searching for their best dating experience is not so different from the rest of us after all. We all need somebody who can relate to us, right?

Unapologetically Mundane said...

YES! The ad for this post is for AfroRomance. Talk about racism. I so badly want to click, though.

snagging said...

Ha! I just posted about stereotypes on my blog.

I've definitely decided to be myself. I even told the guy I'm "seeing" how much I weigh. I didn't feel great when his response was, "wow, you weigh as much as I do," but I'm glad I told him and owned it. Owned ME.

Anonymous said...

I've been with someone for almost two years and won't tell him what I weigh.

High five on the big brown ween though! Yay!

Sharon said...

Dating is really weird, especially with stereotypes people I guess.

Mariko said...

Very good post...dating can be weird sometime.

Eat. Drink. Love said...

Yep been nothing but myself on these dating sites..With that said.

I completely agree with your entry as well.

how 2 flirt said...

The part about being yourself and honest is the heart of all. Those things based on deception will never last, no long run at least. Thanx for this post. All the best, Nick.

Mon Frère said...

I approve. Some one had to say this and you said it beautifully.

Frenchie said...

Thanks for the feedback, loves!