He also told me once I was the "biggest" girl he'd ever been with.

I had a boyfriend in high school who I suspected was too cute for me. That's never a good start. But he seemed to like me quite a bit, and we decided to give it a go. That's what high school's for, really. It sure as hell isn't about learning classroom nonsense.

It was always sort of weird. He had a car, I didn't. He was 18, I wasn't. I smoked, but he didn't, so he'd buy the cigarettes for me, but bitch about it all the time. He was a vegetarian who wore a leather jacket. I still hated Bob Dylan.

The funny thing was, we always wanted to like each other, we just never did that much when we were together. But we both learned big dating "Don't"s from each other.

We were out at dinner once, sitting on the patio of a local family-style pub. It was a sunny day, and our waitress came by, and as she turned away, a bright shaft of sunlight illuminated the blond mustache on her upper lip. I snorted as soon as she was out of earshot.

"What?" he asked.
"Did you see her mustache?" I said.
"Oh, I guess so. It's not really much worse than yours."

I didn't finish my dinner and refused to speak to him for a week. But I also learned about how vegetarians tend to react to catty bitches: Unfavorably.