Thursday, May 7, 2009

More on internet dating

So Katie Ett, a woman whose blog I started reading only because her Livejournal user pic was a still from the original Grey Gardens, one of the best films of all time, writes about all matter of silliness over at Unapologetically Mundane. Topics range from piles of family pictures from back on the farm in Iowa to reviews of fancy schmancy pants restaurants in New York (which are generally funny because she clearly has a midwest palate, but she seems to try). Her main obsession, which she admits, is her boyfriend. Whom she calls Dr. Boyfriend. It's a tad out of hand (she has a "creepy boyfriend obsession" tag, people) but sort of charming, too.

Here's a recent post from UM, which is amusing in itself:

"I’m a member of the online dating site OkCupid.com in the hope that when Dr. Boyfriend and I break up some day, you’ll look me up on there and woo me hardcore. Due to the fact that I’m not supposed to appeal to anyone in my current state of relationshipness, I’ve agreed to not change my horrible photos and to fill my profile with totally unattractive drivel such as:

Nobody’s really just looking for friends and activity partners on here, right? But I am! Seriously! And just think of all the activities we can engage in! That don’t in any way involve our genitals! Except, like, if we specifically decide to engage in genital-related non-sexual activities! Like by joining a nudist colony and shaving our genitals! Together! To get to know each other a little better! And to have the best-looking genitals in the entire colony!


AND YET. I receive messages all of the time from men who make me feel sad for people who are actually looking for dates. Such as this one, from a user in his 50s:

I used to live in Brookyn, in the Bushwick area. I thought I would write and get to know you. I notice you say about joining a nude club and shaving each other’s genitals. I would love to do that with you. Or at least to join a nude club together. I would love to smell your vagina too. I am sure it smells sweet!!


I mean, thank you and all, but no. I think the rule should be that if you wouldn’t walk up to me in a bar and say it to my face, you shouldn’t say it online, either.

And now you should tell me about the even awesomer messages you’ve received."

OK, Serial again. Um, is it OK to leave your OKCupid or Match.com or whatever dating profiles up when you're in a relationship? I'd be seriously pissed if I found out that The New One had a dating profile up on one of those sites (Well, I would if I could get over the concept of The New One going near a the interwebs for such purposes, since he plans to be the last person on the planet to even join Facebook. Dude doesn't even read datingisweird.com, even when I tell him I write about him. On the internet. WTF?).

And I don't feel like I'd want to negotiate on that point. But I guess it could be entertaining. As entertaining, as, say, writing up a craigslist personal about a friend of yours, just to see what the response might be ....

10 comments:

LaMo said...

SM, My Man doesn't do facebook either, and generally is not that interested in these fascinating interwebs. They could start a club. Biggest difference? I do NOT tell mine that I write about him on DIW.

Serial Monogamist said...

OK, LaMo, that seems dangerous to me! Don't you think he'll be a little peeved down the line when he finds out? You do plan on telling him eventually? Or do you plan on letting the universe inform him, as it is wont to do ...

Seems risky to me. Risky like sexting. Things have a way of getting around ...

evelynnash said...

I'm from OHIO! Which is totally different (and better) than Iowa. But I forgive you.

I'm not sure why Dr. Boyfriend allows me to maintain my OkCupid profile, either. I think we were both under the impression that there was no way this thing could last more than a couple of weeks, so we might as well not alter our lives in any way for it. We actually had an agreement that we'd cast anonymous ballots each month to vote if we should continue dating; that's how commitment-phobic (and hilarious) he was at the beginning. The voting happened exactly once, at which point I told him I loved him, and he more or less agreed.

Serial Monogamist said...

Oh snap! Ohio! I'm such an ass. I have a serious Midwest prejudice, actually, so it figures.

Yeah, I also noticed your "when we break up" language, rather than what most people do, wrongly or no, which would be to say, "IF we, god forbid, break up," even though most relationships fail. And the successful ones end with someone dying anyway, so why THAT's the preference, I dunno.

curlywurlygurly said...

as a 'smug married', my huzz and i have spent many a happy hour trawling craigslist personals and/or missed connections. it's such an entertaining way to pass time...it's almost a sport. neither of us have online dating profiles...i think that just might cross the line in a married relationship...but he has a facebook where many old flames come sniffing around to see how he's fared against the ravages of time.

itinerantwoman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Serial Monogamist said...

But wait, IW, in this case, she wasn't scoping, she was just leaving up her profile and looking at the responses. Still as offensive?

And I heard Dan Savage say that some people look at those things as a purely porn-style thrill. That looking at potential lays is a turn on, even if you never have the intention of actually going through with it. And he's rarely wrong. Seriously ... but even Dan said that if you find out that your partner is looking, you should assume he or she has already cheated.

evelynnash said...

I really wouldn't mind taking my profile down but for the entertainment it provides. I'm not shopping, I swear! I just like the attention from obvious creeps.

Serial Monogamist said...

Quote of the week! "I'm not shopping, I just like attention!"

SGLoughlin said...

I think the actual quote is better:

"I'm not shopping, I just like the attention from obvious creeps."