In every new relationship, there's hope for a happy future. There's the inkling of an idea that maybe this one is IT! We tap into the Disney-perfected romantic notion that there's one love for each of us and dammit, we're going to find that magic, fireworks-when-you-kiss, love-at-first-sight magic.
At this point, you've probably pegged me as the jaded dumped one. Wrong, kids. In this case, I'm the dumper. I'm the one whose deal was broken by a totally clueless yet very well-intentioned young man. The clues started out small, with him forgetting things I'd told him while I painstakingly remembered his schedule. Then he started only getting in touch when he wanted a li'l sumpin, not just to get have a nice chat. THEN he forgot the species of my beloved pet whom I talk about all the time (that's right, I'm a crazy cat lady, not a dumb dog dresser-upper). Lastly, when a friend came back to the state from a war zone where he'd been for over a year, dealbreaker said "Oh, then I guess I'll just play things by ear." No, sir, you won't.
It had gotten to the point where I was annoyed every time I spoke to him - wanted to reach through whatever device we were speaking through and slap some sense into him. He corrected me and always had to have the last word. While I know I'm full of corrections, I'd like to think that I can shut my damn mouth and detect irritation. Him, not so much.
Tonight, we had a chat. I told him things hadn't felt right lately; we were just half-hearted chats in between booty calls. He said he had no idea. Completely blindsided. Thought I was happy with the whole situation. Guess that's what happens when you don't talk....
Now, I could be wrong in all of this. I could be a heinous bitch who broke a booty call's li'l heart, and I do hope y'all tell me if that's so. On the other hand, I finally did something I've had problems doing - I had "the talk" when I didn't want to, and I didn't lead anyone on or drag anything out. My relationships usually end when I, in fullblown sobbing tears, say "DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE?!" Okay, that's not quite accurate, but it feels true.
At this point, I'm beginning to feel that this dating shit just isn't meant to make sense. Maybe I should read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" like my mom suggested after all....
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13 comments:
I think I've blindsided one boy in my life, and when I realized how confused he was, I was like, "Really. Really?!" How can one person have no idea what the other's thinking? Especially when said person is obviously pretty terrible at relationships. You don't have to remember my cat's name, but geez, at least remember it's not a dog.
Sounds like you guys just weren't right for each other. It happens. Go you for being the adult and not dragging it out! Why is growing up so hard? :P
My guess is that he's probably playing his whole life "by ear" and has no fixed plans or objectives, least of all setting himself up in a mature relationship with a woman. It always sucks when we realize the "other" in the situation has to go. Sorry that had to happen Frenchie... luckily, you're not the only jaded dumper here ;)
Mom's are always right...except for when mine told me to try online dating ha ha. Yes, this dating shit is confusing and does not make any sense whatsoever.
After spending probably three years too many with a guy, I went on a dating/dumping spree. Eventually, I got pretty good at it. I got more than one, "thanks for being honest with me." Not one "I didn't see it coming," though. Maybe you play nice better than I do?
Twice, I've been the "didn't see it coming" girl. But that's because I dated a guy who was an anarchist who didn't believe in love. Then later a guy who "could see where things were going" and couldn't go there because he had a kid. This was two weeks after he called me his "partner." However: Partner/breakup guy? Introduced me to my current. So we have him to thank for quitealotthankyouverymuch.
It sounds like yours was just clueless. On to the next, Frenchie!
I love this story! I too have been in similar situations - as the dumper and the dumpee!
I enjoy all the stories here. I also write a blog about dating (Glory Days of Dating) and am always interested in reading other people's dating stories! Keep up the great blogging!!
if dating made sense, we would have less to write about. men/boys really are clueless a good portion of the time. i distinctly remember a first date several years back...nice looking...had a good job...good conversation...UNTIL, he got to the part about his toenails. he would never cut them. ever! they would poke through and ruin shoes (and he was laughing about this as though it were actually funny as opposed to absolutely disgusting)...collect all kinds of god knows what kind of filth...and make a clicking noise as he walked across the hardwood floor (yes, he actually told me that!). as he was talking, in my mind, i flashed to a scene. we were in bed together, about to do the deed...as we were kissing, he would take his foot and rub it up and down my leg to get me in the mood...the three inch scraggly dirty-ass toenails would scratch and draw blood, and i would end up in the hospital getting a tetanus shot. needless to say, the date was over shortly thereafter...and he did not understand why there would NEVER be a second date. clueless.
I'd like to think that I've been blindsided once or twice, but truthfully I had an inkling that something wasn't right.
That being said, some people just have no social awareness. Socially ignorant, maybe. They'll move through life blissfully unaware of how misguided they are, constantly questioning why their relationships all end the same way (despite the fact that they've been told) until they find another naive person who is too spaced-out to realize they should be annoyed.
I dated an extreme case of this once. He got three dates, and that was only because I was still nice way back then.
Ha, brilliant. Sorry things didn't work out for you, but you got a pretty great post out of it! x
Its a lot more complicated but your actions where not perfect either. good luck on the next one.
Well, honey, of course my actions weren't perfect. No one's are. But sometimes things just don't work out. Like all these fine people said, growing up is hard, and things don't always make sense.
For all of us still fighting the good fight, good luck on the next one!
Good for you for having the talk and being mature. I seriously doubt you broke anyone's heart. Men like that generally don't stay down for long...unfortunately for the rest of the single ladies.
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