Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Text Message Diaries

A good looking friend of mine recently joined Match.com. We'll call him "Guy." Guy already has plenty of dates, and his online dating hasn't stopped him from asking out the chick at the bar, all of my friends, pretty much any cute girl.

The other day we were chatting about Girl #735 and how it had ended poorly, yet again, over text. I asked to see the conversation and almost pissed my pants. Good stuff. The best part is he's too lazy to delete his texts. We're talking months of texts with dozens of women.

So I asked, would you be willing to let us publish the conversations, au total, on DatingIsWeird?

He's game. Sorta. I had to buy him beers and dinner so I could transcribe what follows is.

Guy:
I just felt Like we had a cheesy good bye and all.
And now I'm second guessing
my communication like u :)

Girl #1:
Well don't!

Guy:
Clicked "politely ignore" on ur wink.
And your messages and profile disappeared.

Girl #1:
Really? I saw a message that said
something along the lines of "thanks but no thanks",
funny!

I didn't feel like u invited yourself last night.
I ended up just hanging out at my
friends house. I closed my profile on match for a bit,
probably why its gone.

Guy:
Jeeze... I hope its not b/c of me. Didn't mean to try &
make it a date & I should have kept my
developing crush to myself. Hope u stay in touch.
I would like to hang out again
but I won't pester u. I promise!

Girl #1:
Ha ha. Second guesser. The crush talk was sweet!
I closed my profile for a bit because
I just felt like taking a break, has nothing
to do with you. I like you, stoke we are friends!

Going through some bullshit right now,
stressful day. If I don't respond or pick up
its not because of you.

Guy:
guilty as charged!

(A few days later....)

Girl #1:
Thanks? Ok. Match is weird because
it causes pressure when u go out. Like
you have to decide right then if u like
the person. Pressure!

Guy:
Thats all you. I mean we do get to choose
from dozens of possible dates so I imagine
lots of people end up liking something
about one another, thats fun
I don't feel it like pressure

Girl #1:
Yep, it is all me I guess. That's why I realized
that I'm not ready for dating. I've never really
done that before. Just met friends and
it turned into something. Dating isn't fun for me,
plus I have too much baggage. Well, good luck ;)

Guy:
Yea I know you were just looking for friends...
Sorry I wasn't fun for you. I think u r hot and cool
but I didn't mean to bring the pressure.
Hope we can hang out again sometime, friends.

Girl #1:
Crap!!! No! You were fun, ugh,
can I make this more of a mess?
I'm such a social retard. I like u.
YES friends and let's hang out again.

(Again, a few days later...)

Girl #1:
We should go grab a beer??

Guy:
Dang..I think I may have plans as of 1/2 hour ago.
Text u tomorrow and let's figure it out.

Girl #1:
Sounds good...I'm more fun :)

Guy:
I wouldnt know. Jus kidding.

Girl #1:
You son of a bitch!! J/k...

I might go out tonight.

Okay I'm not. Talk to u tomorrow :)

(The next day)

Guy:
Okay what about planning on a beer later :)
say 6 or 7. And just see what unfolds

Girl #1:
What about your other plans??

Guy:
Well im keeping it vague
and since u r just a friend,
I'm not going to feel bad
if we cut it short because someone else
wants to meet me afterward.

Hah, like u did the other day. Fair enough?

Girl #1:
Ha ha! Ok. You would not have had fun
if u came with me. It was lame. Me, my friend, and
her Weirdo husband at their house...

Guy:
That's perfect, u wouldn't have fun
w/ me later either b/c
my other plan might actually like me. Hehe

Girl #1:
Oh please! Of course they will,
but will they be as fun as me? NO

Guy:
We'll see, call me later?

Girl #1:
Stop being so mad at me.
Yes, let's plan for around 7?

(A few logistical texts later. I'm going to include times from here on out because they also say something...)

Girl #1:
5:28
You better not stand me up
because you're so mad at me ;)
It will hurt my heart. See u at 7

6:05
Ok, you're going right?

6:29
Tonight seems weird and you have plans after, so
let's plan for another time :)
Have fun tonight on your date!

Guy:
7:02
Are you effing kidding me? I just got the message that you want to bail?
I'm pissed I rushed home to take a shower so I could meet up with you
after you practically begged me.

I actually canceled my plans with a very sweet girl...
And now I've got nothing to do....

Damn it I'm so pissed. I was on a motorcycle ride with a friend
so I didn't get the texts until I got home and got out of the shower.
We rushed back from ___________ so I could meet you on time.

(Guy calls Girl #1 twice)

Girl #1:
7:02
I'm not answering cause I don't want to get yelled at.
I'm sorry I came across as begging you.
You made it sound like you had plans right after,
u didn't tell me u canceled. If u could relax a little
we could figure out what to do, Jesus!

Guy:
7:15
Whatever! You're acting totally crazy.

9 comments:

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Dude.

That whole thing was just weird.

She did have issues. But he was kind of a jerk. Wonder why it didn't work <---- insert sarcasm here.

andrea said...

She sounds a little like my ex, which is why I'm no longer going to communicate via text with a potential partner unless it's for logistical purposes.

Eat. Drink. Love said...

I had to share this...I've had similar experiences through Match...

simplysolo said...

Wow, what an interesting read! Never really read through someone's text messages like that. Seems they need to get off text and get on the damn phone and talk this stuff out - would save for a lot of confusion. But, she seems odd.

Unapologetically Mundane said...

Um, yeah, totally crazy. "It will hurt my heart"? I get that you don't want to be stood up, but have some faith that you're good enough for him to show up for.

Soph said...

Reading other people's text messages is such an eye opener! You get caught up in your little texting world and don't step back and think about what you are saying (writing) and texts are hard enough to work out at the best of times! I have been texting a bloke for hours before, getting no where and a 10min phone call would have sorted it all out! Bit like that convo too!

looking for sex said...

very nice post, thanks for sharing

Anonymous said...

I think you'll want to add a twitter button to your site. Just bookmarked the article, however I had to do this by hand. Simply my advice.

Yo, Mela is here! said...

That exchange was hilarious! Although, I have to say that texting is the easiest way to screw up a budding relationship. I just wrote something about that recently... What ever happened to picking up the GD phone and calling someone? Texting made it so that people expect they should be able to get ahold of you whatever time they want, day or night, and you should respond within minutes.

NO.