Thursday, April 28, 2011

Shitting Where You Eat: A Guide To Dating Your Neighbor With Dignity And Grace


  1. Meet neighbor.

  2. Run into neighbor again.

  3. Have a long conversation with neighbor.

  4. Go out to lunch.

  5. Run into neighbor again.

  6. Go out to bar.

  7. Make out on sidewalk.

  8. Date.

  9. Decide dating neighbor is bad idea.

  10. Become friends.

  11. Go out to lunch. As friends.

  12. Drink bottle of wine with neighbor.

  13. Have sex with neighbor.

  14. See neighbor escorting a girl out of his apartment at 9am on a Sunday.

  15. Cry on neighbor's couch for 3 hours.

  16. Ask him to cat-sit the following weekend.

  17. Avoid neighbor.

  18. Run into neighbor. Limit conversation to discussion of SSRIs and cats.

  19. Avoid neighbor.

  20. Give neighbor a basket full of whiskey and candy as a "thank you" for cat-sitting.

  21. Avoid neighbor.

  22. Move.

11 comments:

Frenchie said...

What a way to have a relationship, dear. Um, maybe it's better now that it's over?

plumpdumpling said...

A+!

Wait, maybe A-. I wanted there to be a part where neighbor sees two dudes leaving your apartment at 9 a.m. on a Sunday.

K-Dawg said...

hahaha just don't fuck your neighbor!

Lynda said...

And he is still your neighbor or has moved?

Faolan Riley said...

Unless my neighbor was Christiano Ronaldo or Ryan Reynolds it ain't gonna happen

sarah b said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this story...had a few similar ones myself, although I wasn't smart enough to move to break up the awkwardness.

Neighbors...ug, just say no.

Koockie said...

What happens when you don't listen to 'don't poop where you eat' and neighbour is replaced by work mate? Uh oh.

Dating In Ireland said...

Can be awkward if you fall out and remain unfriendly!

Mike said...

Is this a real experience?... I have a neighbor woman that is pretty sweet on me, but seems like a bad idea.

Jennifer said...

Dating your neighbor would never be good but it would depend on if you are buying or renting and when your lease is up if renting.

african woman said...

Dating a neighbor?I don't think it's a great idea. I have a friend who's boyfriend is his neighbor; you know what their relationship is so complicated because both their parents are against to their relationship. But they still date secretly until such time that they were caught by my friend's father and they really broke up.

Dating a neighbor sounds easy but so hard in real scenario!