Sunday, August 14, 2011

How Not to "Do the Online Thing"

There's been a lot of talk lately about online dating and what to do and how to meet the love of your life. Recently on Jezebel, they ran a piece about how to set up the perfect online dating profile ( Jezebel, y'all. They know their shit. And for the most part, I completely agree with what they said. As someone who's becoming old news on the online dating scene, allow me to add some more of my personal observations as to Dos and Don'ts when it comes to your profile. Admittedly, they're mostly Don'ts.

- DO have at least one profile picture that was not taken with a shitty cell phone camera.

- DON'T put up a picture of you and another person of the same sex and fail to differentiate as to which is you. Especially if that's your only picture. Granted, you're probably the ugly one.

- DON'T put up photos of yourself clad head to toe in your alma mater's or favorite sports team's gear. Two reasons: 1) Okay, super fan. Appreciation and commitment are great. But if your best picture was taken while you were drunk at a football game, that's not a good sign. 2) You immediately cross out anyone who hates your school. I once found a really cute guy who was a huge Buckeyes fan. He didn't even get a wink.

- DON'T put up pictures of yourself with children if you don't have children. If you feel that you must, please make it very clear that it's your niece/nephew/best friend's kid/latest kidnap victim.

- DON'T, for goodness' sake, put up a "mirror picture." This especially holds true for you, gentlemen. Not notorious for the cleanliness of your bathrooms, you don't always put out the "take me home to momma" vibe when you scare us away from YOUR home before we've even met.

- DO use proper grammar and real words. Text speak or whatever the young folks are calling it now does not convey that you are a real, grown-up person who knows words and grammar. Once you get to chatting, relax the comma usage a bit, sure. First impressions still count, though.

- DO realize that some things that mean a lot to you are really divisive (see: sports fandom, religion). Sure, talk about how much you love Jesus, but only if you're willing to let Jesus turn away some prospective dates for you.

Okay, so that's just a few things for now. This may have to be an ongoing series...

Happy Dating!


Mel @ Dubious Dating said...

These are great. I would add "Don't post a picture of yourself with someone of the opposite sex unless it is your mother. You may say friend or cousin or even sister, but all I see is 'ex-girlfriend with bigger boobs than me.'" I actually blog about all the idiotic things I find during my online dating experiences, and these definitely show up a lot. Keep it up!

The Semi Reformed Bad Girl said...

I got lost after the Buckeye comment. GO BUCKS! ;)

"Slightly Disheveled" said...

AND PLEASE DON'T SAY that you're "pretty laid back" because you don't know it, but half of the guy profiles have this comment.

itinerantwoman said...

The most important advice I give to profile creators: tell prospective dates what you ARE looking for in a mate/date, not what you're not looking for. If you start out with "No drifters, no weirdos, no out-of-work artistes, no fatties,..." you've started nagging before even meeting anyone. Nobody likes a nagger. Another bit of advice: be suggestive, not blatantly skanky or prudish. I once wrote, "I prefer the forest to the beach, wine to beer, and thigh-high boots to Birkenstocks." I made it on to more than 100 men's "Favorites" lists. Oh, and I'm now happily married to one of them.

The love guru said...

Great post, very true. I do have to ad I feel if there are things in your life that are really important to you like "Jesus" or "football" then you should write about it and let it be known. If this turns off a few prospects that's fine because they really weren't prospects to begin with if they had a problem with whats important to you. We have to date our own "proto-type" those who have things in common with us or are ok with us being extreme over one thing or another. Its about quality not quantity when it comes to matters of the heart. Rather have 5 prospects that are good matches then 20 randoms.. Good read, keep up the good material!

africa girl said...

This is great! I'll always remember this statement "DON'T put up a picture of you and another person of the same sex and fail to differentiate as to which is you. Especially if that's your only picture." Putting this kind of picture looks so funny for sure and no one will be interested to contact you either!

Thanks for this great insights!