Monday, August 1, 2011

Every Single One, Every Single Time

Dear Men,

So... the moment was right and we're getting it on. Somewhere in between the thought and the completion of the act ALWAYS comes the mandatory male statement: "I AM GOING TO CUM" ...and I am confused every single time it is said. By every single guy that I have ever been with.

Of course you are. This is obvious. It is, in fact, the reason that most of you get into this situation in the first place. Are we supposed to say something in return? It really interrupts the mood and totally turns me off, actually. Where on earth did this ritual begin and how did it spread to ALL of the men I've ever been with?

Get this right: I am very supportive of you completing the act, and I highly recommend it. It's just a question of WHY every single one of you uses the exact same phrase.

Please Explain,
Slightly Disheveled

17 comments:

Red Shoes said...

I'm actualy one of the quiet types... I would just get up afterwards and get you a towel...

Just sayin...

~shoes~

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Hahahahaha. Thank gosh not EVERY guy I've been with has said that! I laughed out loud at your 'of course we know that'. Like duh. Maybe they've had a lot of times when the girl was unpleasantly surprised? ;)

Frenchie said...

So true! I feel like girls at least vary it some (from discussions I've had), with things like "I'm so close!" or "I'm almost there!" or "DONTSTOPDONTSTOPDONTSTOP." What's extra awkward for me is the precursor question of "Where do you want me to cum?" I mean, really. Not too many smart options there, but points for being considerate?

M. Washington Freeman said...

The reason we say it is that you can protest if you think it's too soon. Men of my generation have been raised to feel guilty about coming, so we feel obliged to at least let you know as a matter of politeness. Plus it's an easy stab at talking dirty. It's easier to talk about what your body is doing than how you're feeling.

twdrink said...

I have the same question...

"Slightly Disheveled" said...

Frenchie, the "where question" is hilarious. Luckily, a rare one because my instant reaction to that question is usually snarky.

Serial Monogamist said...

MWF: Holy crap! It never occurred to me that THAT is the reason they say that! So, if I say, "hold your horses, buddy, me, first!" it could actually be forestalled???

M. Washington Freeman said...

SM: At least that's why *I've* always said it. I've always wanted a woman to slow me down, but it's never happened. I want her to come, but sometimes it's just not gonna happen so I don't want to push the issue either.

Anonymous said...

I have never once said such a thing.

I do scream, right before the magic moment, "Surf's Up!"

Anonymous said...

THEY ALWAYS DO!!! You are so right. It is the LEAST sexy thing that you can say in that situation, too. Like... duh. When we're in those positions, of course you're going to. Can't you either just be quiet or, if you must say something, come up with something a little more creative?

free dating sites Australia said...

I think most guys, say it every single time. I've also experienced the same with my boyfriends and I think it's normal for them. Some women also say it when they're about to. Guess, it's just a matter of expressing yourself that you guys both love the way you're doing it. (Wink!)

Anonymous said...

Because 1. some people dont like cum in mouth, 2. some do, 3. some people have specific place for it (breast, belly) no matter if they like it or want to give their partner extra pleasure, 4. some peopls dont like cum at all. Experienced so far. Radek

Edizzl79 said...

Im at a loss, something Ive never said. Usually a pinch or a gentle squeeze not normally done gets the point across without having to state the obvious, thus ruining the mood. Sorry to hear about the men in and out of you, and your life that dont know how to cum with ease in the moment. Here are 100 tips tricks and hints if anyone is interested, Im thinking based on this comment I may have to add 101 hahaha

http://100tipstoonlinedating.blogspot.com/

"Slightly Disheveled" said...

FINALLY!!! My New One actually remained suitably mute. May wonders never cease. Guess you just have to complain to find the exception... right?

Anonymous said...

The only guy who has ever said that with me was a guy who also explicitly said he usually could hold off if need be...so, yea, I appreciated the warning a lot in his case, since about 50 percent of the time I said something along the lines of the hell you will! And with great effect I might add :)

Anonymous said...

If it's oral, we are warning you in advance in case you don't want to swallow

Anonymous said...

I am very grateful to a man who says this when I'm going down on him so I can prepare myself for it, but I don't understand it during sex. I also just entered a relationship who has a quirk I've never experienced before: he always says he's going to cum, then says "tell me to cum, baby". I don't understand why me telling him to cum would be a turn-on? Can anyone answer that one? I'll continue to do it because he likes it, but I'd probably enjoy it more if I didn't spend his entire orgasm trying to figure out why he asks me to do that.