Thursday, January 22, 2009

Friends Forever?

**Editors' Note: This guest post comes in from a gal who wishes to remain nameless. Fine by us, just keep 'em coming!**

I need to stop fucking all of my single, male friends. Pretty soon I'm not going to have any left.

I don't know why it happens or how it happens. Well, actually I have a pretty good idea of why – they know me and I know them and it's comfortable. And, thinking about it, the how too – alcohol is usually involved. Is there some kind of underlying sexual tension with some of those single, male friends that just sometimes, on the right night and the right conditions (or wrong ones), just erupt?

A history:

1. A really good friend who I worked with and got close to over cigarette breaks. He was leaving town to move back to his homeland and his last night on earth…well, yeah. Since then we haven't been able to keep the friendship. I still really want to be friends, but it doesn't seem to be working.

2. Another friend about this time last year, not as close but still designated as a pal. This one hit me sideways, I wasn't expecting it to happen and it happened again and again quite a few times, on those certain nights. He left town too.

3. And just recently, a good friend that I have known for years and hang out with on occasion. I am currently in the process of trying to figure out how to approach this one – should I be honest and tell him the truth? I think he wants to get to know me better and he is a great guy, but I'm not sure if I want to start anything serious. How can I keep the friendship? Does it have to change our relationship?

Maybe I just need to start going out to bars more.


Serial Monogamist said...

Not sure you can keep the friendship, love, now that he's seen and touched your nethers.

But, your best bet is honesty and a little humor. "Oops! I really didn't mean to hump the other night, I just wanted to be your pal!"

Single Monogamist said...

I'm in the midst of attempting a similar scenario, again. There is almost always an underlying tension between "friends" of the opposite sex. The last time I bumped drunk uglies repeatedly with a girl-friend it blew up eventually and we didn't speak for a year.

However this friendship is a very strong one and we're great friends now, as though nothing happened. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, I hurt her she hurt me etc.

Just call it like it is to him. As long as you both are equally drunk, and equally informed about being just friends with corresponding parts, then the damage will be lessened.

Serial Monogamist said...


"Single Monogamist" is NOT your beloved Serial Monogamist. He's just a d-bag who, for some reason, won't change his frigging handle. Even though I got my first.

So no, dear, loyal, beloved readers, the Serial Monogamist did not post two bits of advice on one post, as if she'd completely forgotten the first comment. She also didn't use the term "bump drunk uglies," for many reasons, including that it's a cliche and that her bits are quite lovely, thank you.

Please, DIW readers, go to his blog and ask him to change his handle. I had it first.

Write up your alley said...

I may not be the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, but I totally read those for the same commenter at first. Too similar.

S.G.Loughlin said...

Maybe I just heart you too much but I had no problem distinguishing the two. Maybe has something to do with skeleton vs. Dylan & Brenda pics? That and you don't have girlfriends. That I know of anyway..

Chronically Attached said...

Does anyone have a problem with this one? I think the D bag comment was a little harsh.

Serial Monogamist said...

Yay, CA! We can be friends now.

Also: If the Brenda Walsh didn't give it away, I'm not so nice on the interwebs. It's a persona. If it makes you feel better, I takes em as I give em. If you want to call me a twatface, you're welcome to.

And I prolly wouldna gone that route if it had been changed LAST time I pointed out the handlestealing.

Write up your alley said...

Brenda throws around d-bag titles like ___ throws around ___.

Anonymous said...

Palestinians; rocks

Anonymous said...

Monkeys; poo

c.vance said...

i've touched a great many portions of a good many acquaintances (ever-so-many more than three). not that too many people can tolerate too much time with me... so i value anyone who can do such a thing. but, if you haven't noticed, i'm not always the best at picking out the right words to tell people... all i know is how to touch them rather well. it's my way of saying, "I'm sorry you're having a hard time..." or "Hey, good job on the math final!" or "Hey, what do you know? It's Tuesday." or, sometimes, "I'm not doing so well myself..." praise scientology, i'm too shallow to have ugly acquaintances.

but i don't have more than a handful of friends--- even that may be a generous measurement. and for them i'd slaughter all of the known worlds, burn the unknown regions of space and time and rape two thirds of the Dreaming. there's nothing i can think of that i wouldn't do for them with the exception of fucking them... which, in and of itself, is always a favor.

these aren't friends. they are people you spend time with... attractive acquaintances. probably young, (and, if not, probably only now exploring the sense of others finding parts of you attractive) you are finding the only trade that will always be valuable--- the exchange of flesh for flesh. but just as there is no "art" in plumbing and no "Muse" in a mortal woman, these are not "friends".

it's an old story and old it was when Methuselah was teething. and i, for one, rarely tire of hearing it. but, sum it up quickly: you = horny, these people = around. don't belittle one of the few beautiful words left by lumping it in with your libido.

monogamyisforotters said...

Sorry for the late comment, but seriously? Our anonymous poster needs a reality check. How "close" can you get on cigarette breaks? Sharing a bic now implies you should be fucking on your days off? This post takes naivete (or stupidity)to a new level. Try keeping your friends around and actually meet a guy. And btw, the guys you meet at your local dive after one too many red bull and vodkas are just as likely to "leave town". Happy dating!