Thursday, January 29, 2009

A Portrait of a Date

**Editors' Note: Today's guest post came in from she who wishes to remain anonymous. Fine by us, just keep 'em coming.**

It was a funny date. Not funny "ha ha," but funny "mildly awkward." Just not a really good match, but still a decent time. And the making out was good, so that's sort of how I ended up at my suitor's house. Then he made gin and tonics, and then he was obviously too drunk to drive, and it was late, and I didn't want to deal with waiting for a cab in his far-flung borough, so I decided to sleep at his house. Now, I could have slept in the guest room, or made him sleep in the guest room, but please. That's ridiculous. So I let him know that there would be no pants-off partying, and that I would figure out an exit if that was a problem.

"No, no, stay, I'll be good," he slurrily promised. And this guy was basically a frigging boy scout, so I trusted him. As well I should have. He didn't try a thing … until the next morning. And what he tried was very convincing, as it didn't involve the removal of clothing on his part. So I accepted his offer, but I still had no interest in what he was packing.

When he got out of bed, he was sad, mopey, even a bit mooney faced. I, of course, felt wonderfully sleepy, glowy, etc. He moped into bathroom to take a (presumably cold) shower. I rolled over and nuzzled deeper into the blankets. He turned on the radio. Over the water I heard the whiny warble of Morrisey cry out, which seemed entirely, hilariously appropriate to me.


dkgoodman said...

You mean he wasn't singing "Am I Blue?" in the shower?

Anonymous said...

Please please please let me get what I want

Lord knows it would be the first time

beeda said...

ha. pobrecito.

c.vance said...

i have an issue with posts from anonymous people.

give some context. if this was written by an 18-21 y/o, sure--- someone terrified of sex because they've only had it a few times and all have been drunken one-night-stands? maybe cute. a 35+ christian conservative wanting to try her hand at drinking with a male friend just after her husband left her for someone more attractive so she got some kind of joy in this aspect of power displayed because she had none left in her life? sure.

as it stands, it is a poorly written anecdote.
it is, in a not-so-subtle way, a boasting of power over an emasculated member of my gender. society rewards them for letting women do such things to us and tell about it. the equal/opposite show of power is rape.

but praise the raising of the weak in our culture so that something like this can be posted and people can smirk at it... which is no more or less appropriate than smirking at rape.

Serial Monogamist said...

Uhhhh .... taking pleasure without reciprocating it is not the same thing as sexual assault, whether or not you chuckle about it. It ain't nice, but it ain't rape.

A less-hyperbolic comparison would be the poor sucker of a girl in high school who gives b.j.'s thinking they'll lead to a boyfriend. Those girls got laughed at. Po wittle bunnies. Not po wittle wape victims.

c.vance said...

those girls got laughed at?
those girls got canonized.

you're seeing it as a sense of others' amusement, not a sense of power.

Serial Monogamist said...

Hm. Maybe. The dudes pressing down on the back of those girls' heads I guess weren't quite as empowered, considering the tooth danger.

But I still don't agree that any abuse of power as it relates sex is on par with rape. I know you love to love on feminists of all notions, but I'm still going to come down on the side that views rape as an act of violence, not as an act of sexuality.

c.vance said...

i don't think there is any side that sees it as an act of violence--- or sexuality ---think it is only power. not all rape is violent. some is rather amicable and occurs without one or the other side knowing it was ever defined as such...

Serial Monogamist said...

What? The? Fuck?

Are you talking about.

Please post anew. On, and tell us all about it. Because I have no fucking clue what the fuck kind of act you're talking about.

"Not all rape is violent." Jeebus. You should start writing lyrics for the new, ultra passive-aggressive-pussy NiN. Whatever the bush they sound like.

c.vance said...

friend of mine was raped while she was passed out drunk--- she was, apparently, moaning enough for the man going down on her/fucking her to think she was there/coherent--- didn't know it happened until he told her about it the next morn. it's legally/morally rape (in the state of California at the very least) and it's not violent.

another acquaintance of mine was fucked from behind from a random guy while she repeatedly told to fuck off earlier in the night--- but she was having a bad E experience. there was no fight in her but she was coherent. she knew who it was (the only guy in the house at the time) but didn't really see him... in the morning, he was still there and she--- will never forget this ---said breakfast was awkward, said, "It was like smelling a fart in a car. And there are only two people in the car. And you know it isn't you so you know it was the other person who did it but it seems impolite to say anything."

used to have a girlfriend who liked to be beat, stabbed and raped--- she consented but... still violent.

there was the case of the woman who convinced her rapist to wear a condom and since she didn't put up a fight he didn't have to coerce her physically--- the jury ruled it as consent because she engaged in the talk of repercussions of the intercourse and...

a great many examples of the VARIOUS types of rape. and not all is violent--- but it is all a sense of power taken from someone.

i, technically, was raped once.
similar circumstance to this post. woman wanted to sleep in my bed after i forced her to sleep downstairs on the couch--- she came crawling up in the middle of the night and climbed into bed with those "oh, it's cold down there... just wanted to be close to someone..." yadda yaddas... woke up in the morning to her riding my morningwood. i was a big enough man at 22 to throw a woman down the stairs and force her out the door while wearing only a shirt and her purse. the twat who wrote this probable isn't bigger than the man she is mocking...

do i wish her to be dry fucked bloody punched in the back of the head raped? not really. if i do at all it is because she used the word "suitor".

but i am a believer in power.
and i don't like a culture that breeds men to be "sensitive" and "caring" and "a friggin' boy scout" and other such nonsense that defies their desires and will and then openly mock them for it when they live up to what is expected of them...

had i written about some sad lil' thing who sucked me off in the morn (tho, i think we can all agree mine would have been written much better) because she was horny and i kicked her out of bed to go shower while laughing into the pillow at her desires being trampled, ya'll would be irate.

a good sign of the target audience and the readers here, methinks... a good time for me to step away from the site.

i know, i know... don't let the door hit me and other such nonsense.

Serial Monogamist said...

Boo. Now who will I comment-argue with?

No everything's personal, cowboy.

Serial Monogamist said...

Oh, and also: Isn't that kind of a literal view of the term "violence?" Is a violation of a body not some sort of violence? Do you have to hit someone where you're apt to leave a bruise in order for the act to be "violent"?

Sounds like it's time to drag out the OED ...

Elisse said...

OK, let's get back to the original post.
LAME. The writer here should have slept in that spare room. She's a tease and is lucky she DIDN'T get her ass raped after that. "Oh, I will sleep in your bed, even though there are plenty of other options, but no touchy! Unless you want to pleasure me. But no touchy!"
Grow up, hon. If you didn't want to party with the pants off, you should have slept where the pants were out of reach.

Anonymous said...

I never claimed not to be a tease, in fact I requested the editor call me "Tanya the Tease."

And no thanks. I will not grow up, honeypie. I don't wanna. I will continue to kiss the boys and make them cry if I good'n'well feel like it.

pally g. said...

My guess is that this one is in no shape or form a tease, just pretending for our sake. I don't buy any of "end[ing] up" at a date's house while continuing to drink too much.

Sorry honeypie, the bull is a little too heavy for me.

Elisse said...

My dear, he didn't cry because of YOU. He cried because his balls were blue. You and your twat had nothing to do with it; don't flatter yourself. Any female holding out would've resulted in the same from his perspective. Don't want to grow up? Have fun with that. But next time, tell us something WEIRD, not retarded.

Anonymous said...

Hmm...seems to me people don't place enough value in the p*ssy nibbling just for the sake of that. You can have great sex without a BJ or penetration, and if you don't think that, hey, your loss.

If I wake up and get a taste that's a pretty damn good start to my morning, even if I'm getting myself off in the shower after. So personally, I think everyone is looking at this from the wrong angle.

Why are we talking about the OP's 'transgressions' instead of the male's failure to enjoy something good for the sake of enjoying something good?

Now, I'm not sure why the OP wants to gloat except maybe that she is turning a stereotype on its head, but really all she did was ultimately draw a line and stick to it. Gloating at someone else's expense doesn't tend to turn me on, I confess, but aside from that if I were in that boy's shoes, I'm not singing the blues in the shower - I'm probably letting it be known that I can be available for the same down the road. And we're both walking away with a happy face even if that's all it is.

As for CVance, I see where you're coming from for sure, but you saying the freedom to say 'no' to sex constitutes POWER in the relationship is a bit of a stretch. If that's the case, I'm one of the most powerful people in the world, cuz lately I've been exercising my right to not sleep with billions of people.

But I still boggle that we aren't talking about the guy's failure to just enjoy one of life's great pleasures. If you leap headfirst into something good only because you hope to coerce something 'better' out of it and get blue when it doesn't come (puns all over, I know), hey, your loss.

"Slightly Disheveled" said...

c. vance.
c. vance run.
run, vance, run.

Dear god, man... no one will be chasing you though.