Friday, August 21, 2009

Boobies

*** Editor's note: Alecia in North Carolina's a rare breed on Datingisweird.com, a guest blogger unafraid to use her real name. Take that, Anonymous! ***

So I met this guy online. We'll call him Idiot. Idiot and I spoke for a couple weeks via email, IM, phone calls and text. He seemed like a really nice guy and we had a lot of common interests. He lives about an hour away so getting together for coffee wasn't as easy as all that, but eventually we did make plans for a Friday night.

So, I get all dolled up. Black pants, sexy tank top, little make up, little perfume, I'm good to go. I waited for him to arrive with excitement and just a touch of nervousness, but I honestly just knew we were going to have a good time. Idiot arrives and gets out of the car to shake my hand and say hi. I hop in and first things first, we have to make a quick trip to Target because apparently he needed to get his nephew some birthday present. We're on our way and literally, about a whole 2 minutes into the ride Idiot looks over at me and says, "Your boobies look nice."

I'm sorry...uuhhh...what? My inner thoughts: "You're 29 years old and you still say boobies? And secondly, what the fuck dude?"

I didn't actually say these things; I just told him to shut up. Idiot laughs, "Okay, okay, sorry." So I thought to myself, oh he just had a dumb guy moment. We get to the store and everything is good. I move on, I forget for a bit that he mentioned my tits and referred to them as boobies. We arrive at dinner and Idiot orders a mass amount of food which I find not only disturbing, but also hilarious as he just got done telling me how "healthy" he was trying to be. Umm, yeah, when you order the salad, it actually stops being good for you when you pile a half a pound of cheese on it, and bacon, and chicken, croutons and a half gallon of ranch dressing. (no, I don't care that the bottle says "Light" - you're retarded) Anyway...as we sit there and I begin to munch, him shovel, I notice that Idiot's leering at me; staring at me in this very intrusive way that has me tugging at my shirt again.

Finally I look at him and I say, "What? Why the crap are you staring at me like that?"
Idiot: "You know, it's funny...out of all the girls I've dated, you're not all my type, HOWEVER, I kinda wanna do you right now."
My inner thoughts: "Do me? Did he really just tell me over my Greek salad that he wants to DO me? Awesome." The people at the table next to us gasped and choked. I felt their pain.

Me: "Can you bring me home now? No, like...right now. Stop eating, check, car. Let's go."

8 comments:

f1trey said...

well....16 year olds can be that way I suppose! hehehe

Anonymous said...

What a douchebag. I think I might've jumped out of the moving vehicle after that first comment...there's no way it was going to be good after he said that.
Makes a funny story now though, doesn't it?

Shiny Rod said...

I think it was good time to bail, actually the boobie statement should have been a "turn around this date is over". Guys like that need a swift hard kick in the nuts, that is not how you behave on a first or any date. Treat a woman with respect and dignity and you might have a chance. And for christ sake never ever gawk.

Christine said...

I think I also dated this guy.

Anonymous said...

Somewhat surprising that no hints of abnormality or potential problems surfaced during a couple weeks of talks via email, IM, phone calls and text. Strange. This guy was seriously off. It would be hard to miss it.

Kel said...

"Idiot" is the perfect name for that ass! Btw, I just started a new blog that comes from a guy's perspective on dating. the name of the blog is intentionally offensive, so don't get upset.

check it out: asstapper.blogspot.com

itinerantwoman said...

once again, is it ok if i post all of my urls here? or is that a bullshit practice?

Serial Monogamist said...

Meh, does that dude look like a spammer? I think it's OK to post your URL, if you're a real reader with a real site to link to.

But maybe the editors are lazy, drunk, or on another continent.