Monday, August 10, 2009

Funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?

I like funny guys. Silly funny, irreverent funny, sarcastic funny, dry funny—whatever. If you can get me to laugh, you might have a good shot.

However. Jokes can be tricky.

Funny: Starting up a game of truth or dare on the first date, especially if you take my dare to borrow a cowboy hat from a dude at the end of the bar and wear said hat wile you dance a jaunty jig for me.

Less funny: You take a truth, and when I ask where you want to be in five years, you answer “I think we’ll be married, and at least have two kids. Three maybe?”

Funny: You meet my dog, who’s usually an asshole, and she’s nice to you. When I tell you I’m surprised, you shrug and say, “Kids, dogs and gay guys all love me. I don’t know what it is.”

Less funny: You tell me, while lingering at my doorway at the end of the evening, that I “feel like home.”

Funny: You text me the next morning to ask how I’m feeling, and I admit I must have hit the gin a little too hard, because I have a wee headache. You respond, “Oh, sorry, I guess I got a little aggressive with the roofies.”

Not funny: When we have coffee later, and I tell you that I really, really, don’t think we should date, at least not until your divorce is final, or, at least until you and your wife are no longer living together, you tell me multiple times that I’m “breaking your heart.” Um, we met yesterday.

Waaay not funny: At the same coffee/letdown date, you start to tell a story, then pause and say, “No, that’s a really good story. I only tell that one in exchange for sexual favors.” I respond, “Well, I guess I won’t be hearing it then.” You respond, “Really? No? Shit. There goes my plan for getting you pregnant right away.”

20 comments:

Shiny Rod said...

Wow, there's hope for me yet! BTW, the kid thing is out of the question, way out. But I do have a dog and she is very picky about what females I date. Probably why I'm not dating any.

f1trey said...

heheheeh now thats funny!

itinerantwoman said...

hahahah. i thought the last one was the funniest. i like the idea of trading really good stories for sexual favors. anyway, what fool wouldn't plot to lay claim to you and your potential love child, SM?

Free Dating Guy said...

These are great I love them!

Serial Monogamist said...

Good point, IW. Good golldurned point.

And you know, IW Jr. liked that last joke, too. She thought they were all pretty forgivable. Though I think that's just because his last name is half of hers, and so she was already plotting a marriage.

JB said...

Funny: On a first date, she brings her pet parrot with her on her shoulder wearing a formal dress (to go to the park).

Even Funnier: The parrot pooped on her.

Not Funny: Trying to explain that it wasn't going to work out.

Great site!

plumpdumpling said...

Come on! The last one is totally funny. Don't pretend you've never pulled the oops-I'm-pregnant-guess-you-have-to-marry-me April Fool's joke.

Anonymous said...

The cyber stroking and inside references sound like a couple of infatuated sorority girls. Ick.

Serial Monogamist said...

Ohmigaaah! You totally got us! So, like , do you know Itinerant Woman and me? Are we friends? Did we pledge together?

Smooches, anonypeach. Smooches.

xoxozzzzzz,
Serial

Anonymous said...

OMG! Worse than imagined. Make that a couple of fatuous sorority girls. Double ick.

Serial Monogamist said...

Did you just call us fat, anonypeach?! Them's fightin words. You should know, we sororigals abstain from carbs and such.

Anonymous said...

Nice, JB, your post captures the point/counterpoint punch this format is designed for, something the Cereal girl just doesn't get, missed completely.

Anonymous said...

Nice, JB, your post captures the point/counterpoint punch this format is designed for, something the Cereal girl just doesn't get, missed completely.

Luck be a lady said...

I'm lost. What could possibly be wrong with cyber stroking sorority girls?

STFU, Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

It's just one anonymous commenter who hates everything Cereal does. Granted, some of her posts are garbage, but not everything she does is total shit.

Anonymous said...

Not funny: trying to figure out what degree (as in Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon) you may have already fucked someone on your first date when you live in a small town. And realize that you have fourth degree fucked your own roommate and third degree fucked the date.

Anonymous said...

Likely more than one anon posters are critical of Cereal. As you say, some of her posts are garbage.

Serial Monogamist said...

Wow, guys. It's a good thing I don't have feelings, or they might be hurt right now.

Swingers said...

Great I like it.

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.