Friday, August 14, 2009

What would you do?

I recently woke to find a Canadian in my bed.

I’d met him the night previous, his name was Gus, and he was in town for some Ironman or something or other, and he was delighted to come home with me. After some rolling around, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, I washed my face just as mama always told me to do, and I brushed my teeth. But there’s a problem with brushing your teeth when you have a stranger you met at a bar in your bed.When you get back to bed, and Gus wants to kiss? No, thanks. I mean, his mouth tasted like Jim Beam and porter, and I think a few cigarettes. Oh, yeah, and we’d split an order of onion rings. Yikes.

Sorry, I digress.

The point of this story is the following morning. I woke up and looked over at him and all I wanted was for him to go the fuck away. It was a Tuesday, for shit’s sake. I had to work, I had an early morning appointment.

I wasn’t sure how to get rid of him, and looking back, I don’t think I picked the most graceful method. I got up without the morning snuggle he seemed to be leaning in for, I let out my cat, and I plopped myself down at my desk and started IMing my girlfriend, who was already at work.

(bing)
Jesus, I have some Canadian guy here, how do I get rid of him?

(bing)
Canadian? Is he hot?

(bing)
He’s OK. Beside the point. I want him gone. What do I do?

(bing)
What’s his name?

(bing)
Um, Gus, I think?

(bing)
Did he go down on you?

(bing)
Focus, dammit! How do I get rid of him? And yes, he did.

Of course, the sound of clacking and binging in the living room was all the cue he needed. He came out of my room dressed, asked directions back to his hotel, thanked me for the good time and got out of there.

So I was wondering, DIW folks. What do you do to get a one-night-stand to leave in the morning?

14 comments:

Shiny Rod said...

I think you pretty much solved that one by yourself. Other that that, just be truthful and say, time to go, it was nice meeting you but you have things to do. Works for me when I have to get to things and I need my privacy. Most men will understand when your honest with them.

Anonymous said...

The direct approach is best. Simply tell him you have to prepare for work, busy day ahead, thanks for a great time.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

itinerantwoman said...

honesty is best. or you could always do what i did when i found a canuck in my bed: marry him and start a dynasty.

Anonymous said...

canoodling canucks can bring unexpected results. let's hope it brings some stories.

Miss Adventures said...

Funny...nowadays I'd never sleep with someone I wouldn't want to have breakfast with the next day to avoid this little dilemma you had. But that's just me.

June said...

I see your point, MA. But your method just smacks of maturity and self-control. Not really my bag.

f1trey said...

I have the answer!!!!!! I NEVER bring home a canadian man for a one night stand!
Preparation works.....get it all set BEFORE you fall asleep.....

Shiny Rod said...

Thank you Miss Adventures. If I spent the night with a woman, the least I could do (granted if the sex was good) would be to get up and make her breakfast, make the bed, etc. Of course thats me, I don't slouch on treating a woman like a queen. It may have been best that she kicked the lazy bum to the curb. Good looks does not excuse bad manners or hygene.

DCVibe said...

The dilemma actually started the nite before. Because most likely neither one of you managed the expectations for the following morning so you were both left with a "WTF do I do now?!" moment.

Planting the seed (no pun intended) the nite before can help, "After hot morning sex, I am kicking you out!" with a charming smile will let them know when they will need to leave without ever saying "you need to leave." ;)

DCVibe said...

The dilemma actually started the nite before. Because most likely neither one of you managed the expectations for the following morning so you were both left with a "WTF do I do now?!" moment.

Planting the seed (no pun intended) the nite before can help, "After hot morning sex, I am kicking you out!" with a charming smile will let them know when they will need to leave without ever saying "you need to leave."

Also, keeping a new spare toothbrush can help with the other issue. ;)

Miss Adventures said...

Notice I said "nowadays"--I was very immature..wait, I still am..but things have changed in the fact I want to take more leisure time with someone in the morning. I only stopped having one night stands about two years ago. Threesome started taking a majority of the time after that. and Shiny Rod you don't have to treat her like a queen...I think days start better with morning sex, whispering and laying there with them for a bit. coffee included.

DCVibe :) I have actually done that in my younger days...I would tell them to leave at midnight. I called it the Midnight Burn. I laughed after I said it...but I was dead serious ;)

Caribbean girls said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
razorbeck said...

We Canadian's is exceedingly polite, you should have just asked?

itinerantwoman said...

what is it with the caribbean darlings crap? can i post some urls?

pls make it go away.