Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Can't get enough of that Craigslist

*** Editor's note: Today's Craigslist Gem comes from Sir Robin, AKA The Fool. Happy dating! ***

Being male, I'm used to being cast as the villain, but there are some dating scenarios that would make even the most virtuous white knight act rather like Sir Robin. Appropriately enough, a confrontation with a three-headed ogre is a pretty fair metaphor when used to describe my date, although to hear her tell it, I was the one who behaved inappropriately. We had first connected online, through Craig's List, and the day after our dating disaster, I found the following post:

"/Last night was the worst first date of my life. Not only was it with the creepiest guy I had ever seen, but after pressuring me into a late-night meeting at Denny's and making me drive an hour out of my way, he barely said a word to me... except to call me fat and tell me to stop eating so much. He tried to order booze after I told him I didn't drink, and he wouldn't take his shades off the entire time. We won't be going out again./"

There was no question that it was about me. The sunglasses bit confirmed it, although she left out the part where I apologized for my debilitating light-sensitivity. Still, as certain as I was about the subject of the story, I wasn't completely clear on the details.

1. "/... After pressuring me into a late-night meeting at Denny's.../" Apparently, responding to passive-aggressive accusations about not being interested counts as pressuring. When I suggested that we wait until Saturday afternoon to meet - rather than a bit past ten on Friday evening - she questioned whether I really wanted to meet at all. I assured her that I did, and she asked if I knew of any restaurants that were open late. "Only Denny's," I joked. Her unexpected response was that Denny's was fine by her. It wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I supposed that it was better than a dingy dive bar somewhere.

2. "/... Making me drive an hour out of my way.../" We lived three hours apart. You do the math.

3. "/... except to call me fat.../" She weighed at least a hundred pounds more than she had led me to believe, but I didn't say anything about it. At least, not until she asked - and this was perhaps the second thing she said to me - "I'm heavier than you expected, aren't I?" My response, for the record, was a decidedly lame reply of "And prettier, too!" Really, though, is there a right answer to that question?

4. "/... and tell me to stop eating so much./" While we had been planning the date, she asked if I would mind paying. While we were eating, she kept ordering more additions to the meal. While looking into my wallet - figuratively speaking - I politely stated that I couldn't comfortably afford much more, being that I was a broke college student. While ignoring my statement, she ate my french fries.

5. "/He tried to order booze.../" No, I tried to order a Shirley Temple. It was the waiter who thought that I was trying to order booze. At least he realized his mistake after I explained it to him.

Perhaps my favorite accusation, though, is this one:

6. "/... he barely said a word to me./" This is true. Of course, it's a little bit hard to get a word in edgewise when she and her sister - who she brought along as a chaperon - are spending the entire time gossiping about friends whom I've never even heard of whilst dining on the meal that I paid for. It's even worse when they both glare at me every time I try to interject a comment or ask a question, and downright insulting when the they discuss me in whispers that they think I can't overhear from across the table.

In spite of all those incorrect details, though, there's definitely one thing that she got exactly right: "/We won't be going out again./"

Believe me, folks... As soon as it was polite enough to do so, Sir Robin ran away.

18 comments:

Shiny Rod said...

I always insist that first dates be at Coffee House to break the ice. Unless of course, I know the person then a more appropriate date can be arranged. Coffee houses are small and quaint and you can at least keep that first meeting to something short and sweet. Dinner and movies complicate things when you haven't had time to really get to know each other, see if there is a spark that can take things to the next level. I want to know what my date likes and dislikes before I take it to that level.

No way to get out of the clock issue. Five minutes in guy time is 20 minutes in girl time. Thats just how nature made it.

I learned recently never to comment even when asked. A female acquaintance whom I was interested in commented about catchin a sale on shoes. I commented that it was good thing because the larger sizes go quick. A Fraudian slip it may have been. We are no longer on speaking terms. I now always plead the 5th when asked to comment.

The others are no brainers and a result of not doing the homework up front. It is always best to plan a date when you (1) have money to spend. (2) Have a stable budget you can work from even withh emergency funds in case something goes wrong. Sounds like you did cover the basics, where to meet, where to eat. Always have an alternative.

Communication is the most important thing on the first date. That's why I always opt for the short and sweet over a well planned and organized date. See if there is something there before you commit and find that you wasted your time and hers.

It was a losing case when she brought her friend as a chaperone. You never had her focus and you weren't getting it. The friend wall is tough to beat down unless you have my secrets and no, I am not telling. The date would have gone much better if planning and communication were in place. I can't guarantee a second date but at leats the first would been a better occasion with a we bit of planning up front.

Who know, maybe it was best that it went the way it did. Better luck next time. Keep fishing, your bound to get another chance for a date on CL. LMAO

Serial Monogamist said...

I'd pick a dingy dive bar over Denny's anyway. Their tots are usually better.

The Duke of Ted said...

well, look at the bright side, at least she wont be asking for you to provide her with another meal...

Christine said...

I am still stuck on that extra hundred pounds. Why would a person set themselves up that way? Post a fake picture and then comment about how they misrepresented themselves so you can agree or disagree?? Odd.

SGLoughlin said...

Dear Shiny Rod. This site is about funny dating stories. IT'S NOT ASK SHINY ROD FOR HIS LONG-WINDED ADVICE. It isn't. Seriously. Really really.
It's not about you or what you think. It's here to make you laugh or cry or anything EXCEPT GIVE ADVICE.

Love,
S.G. Loughlin, an editor

The Duke of Ted said...

Thank you S.G. Loughlin, an editor... THAT is the best advice I've heard!

harposleg said...

but how would we have heard about the fraudian slip otherwise?

itinerantwoman said...

poor sap; you are too kind for craigslist.

next time, remember my not-quite-so-long-winded advice for women who are on hideous first dates also applies to men who find themselves surprised and suckered by bovine ingrates: bonk, spit, run.

MIke Lowrey said...

Lol, Dude why are you using CL to find a date. CL is finding a used televisions, prostitutes or women who are too ugly to get a date any other way!

The only guys who use CL for dates are guys who buy comic books and always dress up as a star wars character every Halloween.

The chick had to be 18 if she had her sis tag along, lol.
Cougars are in right now, get with the program.

Anonymous said...

Thank you SG. Let's hear it for more stories/less long-winded advice. Except from IW of course.

Anonymous said...

LOL Mike Lowery! You sound like a real fucking winner!

I'd rather bash my brains in with a coffee mug than accept one free lemon drop from you.

Mike Lowrey said...

Sorry I don't offer Lemon Drops to Anonymous people...

Shiny Rod said...

SGLoughlin - I thought that was funny. What do you mean long winded? I had to set up the joke. I'll keep it short and funny from here on! Jeez, shopping for dates on CL is about as bad as getting your picture on People of Walmart.

Miles Long said...

the only thing I can think of aside from what was already mentioned is why wait until it's polite to leave? you are two hours away from your house, she is a wildebeest with family in tow, you met her on CL less than 12 hours prior, you will never see her again, and you didn't dine and dash to leave her fat ass with the tab? poor form, pal.

Dating said...

Post a fake picture and then comment about how they misrepresented themselves.

Ruby said...

This really does sound like the date from hell on your part...how could this woman possibly think that she was the one that was hard done to in this situation?

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