Thursday, October 29, 2009

Adventures on CL

At the start of summer I placed an add on Craigslist in an attempt to find a few playmates for my two year old son and hopefully one for myself. Our first meetings were usually at a park with the kids just before nap time so I had an easy out if things turned bad.

The following is an example of when things turn out bad, well badish.

In my inbox was a long message from a woman, lets call her Lisa. Lisa is a single mother of four boys, all two years apart, all with different fathers. I am not one to judge being the middle child of three who all have different dads but she also has restraining orders on two of the four so... We seemed to have a list of things in common but they're the sort of things that most everyone has in common- funny movies, likes dogs, eating good food, drinking, etc etc. And a number of things not in common, the biggest being an addiction to drugs that she had beaten a couple of years back... not something I would include in my opening get to know you letter but... I wrote back and sent her a picture of myself asking for one in return. She sent me a number of photos and although I considered her sort of pretty she wasn't smiling in a single one. I thought it odd and asked for a smile and got a sort of grimace with tight lips. After a week or so we met at a local park with my son and two of her boys. I didn't dress up but looking at her Cowboys sweatshirt that was four or five sizes too large, the Yankees hat pulled down over her eyes and the faded and torn blue jeans Lisa wore didn't make me feel like I'd found someone really special. We sat on a bench and talked while the kids played but I spent the whole time talking to the back of her head. At first I thought maybe she's just really diligent about watching her boys but something felt wrong. At this point I could already tell that we weren't very compatible and was getting ready to institute the 'nap time' clause. Just then one of Lisa's boys ran up to us and as they talked I noticed that something was wrong with Lisa's mouth. I couldn't put my finger on it at first but over the next five minutes or so I came to realize that she was missing all her upper teeth. A bare palate. She must have seen me notice because she covered her mouth with one hand and looked away again. Now I felt like an ass... how to leave gracefully? I had already made the decision to go before I caught sight of her toothless mouth but now all signs would point to THAT being my reason for going. I kept up some small talk for a minute and then luckily, my son shit his pants so we were able to make a discreet exit.

I have a good friend who, upon hearing this story asked me what the problem was. 'I mean, come on dude,' he said. 'She doesn't have any teeth. THINK ABOUT IT MAN, JUST THINK ABOUT IT.'

11 comments:

Shiny Rod said...

All the signs seem to point to a previous crack addiction. No to say that there may have not been some spousal abuse either. Neither is a pretty site and with two in-force restraining orders, I would have some cause for concern. Dress does not concern me as it seems she did dress for the proper occasion. Relaxed casual is perfect for kid's play time. Give her another chance and this time something, do something more family oriented like dinner a family restuarant. It sounds as if she is trying to pull herself out of a big mess. BTW, a good dentist can get that smile back "lickety split." Eh, sorry for the pun...

Serial Monogamist said...

See, Rod, I was thinking meth. I suppose it coulda been either.

And that's one smart kid. I'll have to remember that plan; next time I get stuck in a not-so-great date, I'll just shit my pants.

Scott said...

I love that! "Luckily, my kid shit his pants." There are very few occasions where that is a lucky thing, and this is one.

hunter said...

even if this gal had a full set of bright white chompers, i'd pass on a second date. i mean, she wore a cowboys shirt and a yankees hat? clearly this chick is confused. i'm no fashion nut, but it sounds just like a "I give up" outfit to me.

itinerantwoman said...
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Serial Monogamist said...

IW, you're thinking of coke. Crack is smoked out of those glass tubes they sell silk rosebuds in at shady corner markets.

itinerantwoman said...
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Mike Lowrey said...

Lol, I'm not sure why folks use CL to find real dates. CL is only used for cheap dudes to find dates where you place an envelope with $100 bucks on the night stand for an hour of fun.(You should prob wear 3 condoms while having fun)

Damn it must be the Brooklyn, NY in me but I figured yeah she's smoked all her teeth away but her Head game has to be tight.

I'm telling you at least let her break you off some Becky.

For the old folks Becky=BJ.

The Duke of Ted said...

It was meth... I should have been more specific in her drug using attributes

Anonymous said...

Toothless as a plus? Wow. Way to go, manbrain...

Anonymous said...

both the coke smoke and the meth smoke will rot the teeth away. FYI, innerwebs