Monday, November 30, 2009

Throw Up in Your Mouth Alert

I'm not the Rom-Com type. I hate cheesy romantic stories where the chick gets swept off her feet by Matthew McConaughey (why is he in every one of those god-forsaken movies?) and I typically retch when told cutesey-wootsey tales of love. Valentine's Day is bullshit as are most things having to do with Disney's version of true love.

It is with this disclaimer that I post what is most assuredly the grossest romantic thing to ever happen to me. Even I was like, really? That's so sweet it hurts my teeth.

I was in an outpatient surgery center a few weeks ago recovering from a minor procedure that included conscious sedation. I was just coming to but was still pretty out of it. I turned my head to see my big handsome boyfriend sitting by my bedside smiling.

"Mmmmmmmmhhiiiiii..." I mumbled before drifting off again, feeling comfortable and safe knowing he was there.

Later he told me that a beep from the heart monitor alerted him to the fact that my heart rate slowed down by about ten beats per minute when I saw him.

Apparently being in love is the best medicine.


Serial Monogamist said...

Aw. Blorf.

Anonymous said...

Isn't the pulse rate supposed to quicken, the heart rate to speed up when you see your sweatheart? Not a good sign. Boredom ahead.
Second, what is the boyfriend doing playing spectator to what sounds suspiciously like a colonoscopy? Totally gross, could be a pervert, careful SG.

Anonymous said...

No way, Anon! The "pulse rate" is not supposed to quicken in a stressful situation when you see your loved one. Your lover should soothe you in times of stress. And what, you'd prefer that the partner run away from the bedside when something icky is involved? Please.

itinerantwoman said...

the mushiest part of SGL's account is "big handsome boyfriend".

i used to have one of those (married him), and his presence can alter my heart rate in either direction.

sounds like true love to me, SG. you have my congrats/sympathies.

SGLoughlin said...


Another anonymous commenter that is too afraid to identify itself.

(deeper sigh)

The Duke of Ted said...

Serial put it best... I second that motion

plentymorefishoutofwater said...


Unapologetically Mundane said...

I mean, I'm all about mushy love, but maybe you were trying to will yourself dead?

Mike Lowrey said...


I watch Law and Order and that stuff only happens when there's a serial killer standing next to you in your room.

Think about it, then call 911.

You're not in Love your in Fear!

SGLoughlin said...

Mike, respectfully, you're a dumbass. You're using a television show as the basis for your opinions on love and relationships. A television show about crime. A dramatized television show.


I hate people.

Serial Monogamist said...

What, SGL? You didn't find Mike's grammatically- and spelling- challenged hypothesis based not on science, but on TV, both insightful and hilarious?

Come on, Debbie Downer.

Mike Lowrey said...

Serial: Sorry, bad habit. I'll try to hit spell check and correct my grammar once in a while.

SG, respectfully, please fall back a bit.
If you can't tell the difference between an obvious joke and real advice, may I suggest you move to The Shire or Jersey.

Serial Monogamist said...

Ha! Jersey.

But Mike, spell check won't catch errors with your and you're. Or their, there and they're.

Just sayin.