Monday, March 2, 2009

My First Lay in a New Town

**Editors' Note: Today's guest post comes in from "ZZ Bottom" about his first lay after leaving home.**

so i am writing my first blog...so i'm chosing to write about my first lay in a new town. at 18 i moved to a city out west, and i was having a little trouble meeting the ladies as i did not have a fake id, and i had no friends. well, everyone knows the best way for an underage scrub to meet a young, willing woman...house party!! a co-worker invited me to a house party, and beverages were being served. well, later in the night, a classy young breezy started talkin' to me. before long we were tongue wrestling atop a freezer box in the basement...pretty standard hook-up story up to this point...

enter her hippie ex-boyfriend.

lets call him Kip, and lets call her Jessica...which was her name (i'm surprised i remembered that). in any case, Kip, a disheveled, passive aggressive hippie common to the region, accosted us while we pawed at each other's goodies. being a glutton for self-punishment, he hung around us like the smell of patchouli and body odor while we made out. not long after he says to me, still next to Jessica, "Hey dude, she means a lot to me and we just broke up a week ago... just please promise to wear a condom." Interesting request, but i nodded and we continued kissing and groping. We made the natural course to the cramped bathroom. Young Jessica lifted her skirt and we commenced to boning...without a condom. HA! (now i typically don't endorse this cavalier attitude about sex, but luckily i've since been tested and came out ok!)

Anyway, dude, Kip, sees us coming out of the bathroom, fully sexed out. Being the sweet doormat that he is, he offered us a ride to my new apartment. SWEET! this dildo let us pile into his cute little yellow VW bug (like Ted Bundy's) and took us! Then he dropped us off and gave me the whole, "hey, she's a great girl...treat her right" speech. Then he left and we had more unprotected sex on my couch. the next morning i found her panties on the sidewalk in front of my house. poetic.

thanks Kip

9 comments:

Dating Is Weird said...

Ew. You didn't use a condom on a girl that let a patchouli wearing hippie cum inside her? Gross dude. Gross.

Serial Monogamist said...

This post made me feel icky inside.

As did that comment.

"Hippie cum"

eeeeeeeeeew

baaaaaaaaarf

monitor. said...

Agree with both comments.
The fear of STDs kept poking my shoulder the whole time I was reading it.

Luck be a lady said...

Rock on.

"Slightly Disheveled" said...

If the ex were bi, and hadn't told her, this would be more interesting. As it is, it just smells funny. In the worst ways.

ZZ Bottom said...

what can i say? i'm a chivalrous champion of the male species.

lets not pretend we always wear condoms...for every ex your partner had, you are merely sipping the sex casserole that travels from one person to another, connecting all of humanity. every time you bone, its like 2 petri dishes colliding

LaMo said...

I second that, ZZ. Let's all take a moment to reflect on somebody we chose to go au natural with. Then, think about all the people they could have had sex with before us. People with vagina houses shouldn't throw....?

Anonymous said...

.... shouldn't throw bones

Kimberly said...

sex casserole...I know what I want for dinner