Monday, March 16, 2009

My Side of the Bed

**Editors' Note: Today's guest post comes in from Wayne, who almost put his foot down about his side of the bed.**

My two friends and I took these two girls home one night after seeing a sweet jam band that loved to cover the Grateful dead and the Alman Brothers. It was clear from about minute 4 of meeting these girls that my friend was hooking up with the cute one. That was it.

To be honest, I had no intention of any "hooking up" with either of these girls. I just had to start a conversation because they were the only girls at the bar who weren't old enough to be my mom. I mean, they were fun, they were just the sort of insecurity that manifests itself as negative reactions, whiney tones, and a general discontent, instead of just.. idk... laughing at a situation. (aka stop complaining).

After bar time, we arrive at my place. One of my friends was captain wasted face and crashed on my roommates bed. In order to give the two love birds some privacy (British accent implied) I offer to share my bed with the other friend. I guess this is called "taking one for the team." And so we enter my room.

My queen size bed fits snugly in the back corner of my room. This means there 1 side to get in and out from. Being that its my bed, I typically sleep on that side, the "outside" if you will. My new friend, however, decided that if you throw yourself in my bed with all your clothes on, you get to pick what side you sleep on! Neg friend.

I get naked because that's how I sleep (jk). I'm in underwear and t-shirt. I ask her to scoot over, and in the same whiney voice she's had all night she says "No! I'm sleeping on the outside."

My first thought wasn't to make her sleep on the floor, or with Drunky McUnderage in the other room. It was, "how did this girl learn that that would be an ok way to react?" I mean, entitlement is an understatement.

I calmly informed her that this was in fact, my bed and as a guest in my bed, she would surrender the same 6' by 3' area I sleep in every night. Her face was shocked, but then for the first time all night, I felt like she chilled out and realized its ok if everything doesn't go your way.

A man can be territorial, no doubt. It's hardwired. We take pride in what we call our own, and feel great about being able to share our bed with you. Try to be grateful for what your man provides, return the favor with your feminine sweetness, and he will share everything with you.

P.s. we ended up making out, and she woke up on the "outside"


Serial Monogamist said...

"Try to be grateful for what your man provides, return the favor with your feminine sweetness, and he will share everything with you."

Seriously? Really? I tried to forgive you the "idk" and the "jk," but then this sort of tossed me over the ledge. It causes me pain.

Anonymous said...

"captain wasted face" -- mwahh ha ha ha! I love captain wasted face!

Anonymous said...

So, Dr. Chivalgo, sounds like the lesson here is not to invite random, ugly, wasted chicks into your bed.
You were really expecting some kind of passed-out skank etiquette?

itinerantwoman said...
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