The Text Message Diaries

A good looking friend of mine recently joined Match.com. We'll call him "Guy." Guy already has plenty of dates, and his online dating hasn't stopped him from asking out the chick at the bar, all of my friends, pretty much any cute girl.

The other day we were chatting about Girl #735 and how it had ended poorly, yet again, over text. I asked to see the conversation and almost pissed my pants. Good stuff. The best part is he's too lazy to delete his texts. We're talking months of texts with dozens of women.

So I asked, would you be willing to let us publish the conversations, au total, on DatingIsWeird?

He's game. Sorta. I had to buy him beers and dinner so I could transcribe what follows is.

Guy:

I just felt Like we had a cheesy good bye and all.

And now I'm second guessing

my communication like u :)

Girl #1:

Well don't!

Guy:

Clicked "politely ignore" on ur wink.

And your messages and profile disappeared.

Girl #1:

Really? I saw a message that said

something along the lines of "thanks but no thanks",

funny!

I didn't feel like u invited yourself last night.

I ended up just hanging out at my

friends house. I closed my profile on match for a bit,

probably why its gone.

Guy:

Jeeze... I hope its not b/c of me. Didn't mean to try &

make it a date & I should have kept my

developing crush to myself. Hope u stay in touch.

I would like to hang out again

but I won't pester u. I promise!

Girl #1:

Ha ha. Second guesser. The crush talk was sweet!

I closed my profile for a bit because

I just felt like taking a break, has nothing

to do with you. I like you, stoke we are friends!

Going through some bullshit right now,

stressful day. If I don't respond or pick up

its not because of you.

Guy:

guilty as charged!

(A few days later....)

Girl #1:

Thanks? Ok. Match is weird because

it causes pressure when u go out. Like

you have to decide right then if u like

the person. Pressure!

Guy:

Thats all you. I mean we do get to choose

from dozens of possible dates so I imagine

lots of people end up liking something

about one another, thats fun

I don't feel it like pressure

Girl #1:

Yep, it is all me I guess. That's why I realized

that I'm not ready for dating. I've never really

done that before. Just met friends and

it turned into something. Dating isn't fun for me,

plus I have too much baggage. Well, good luck ;)

Guy:

Yea I know you were just looking for friends...

Sorry I wasn't fun for you. I think u r hot and cool

but I didn't mean to bring the pressure.

Hope we can hang out again sometime, friends.

Girl #1:

Crap!!! No! You were fun, ugh,

can I make this more of a mess?

I'm such a social retard. I like u.

YES friends and let's hang out again.

(Again, a few days later...)

Girl #1:

We should go grab a beer??

Guy:

Dang..I think I may have plans as of 1/2 hour ago.

Text u tomorrow and let's figure it out.

Girl #1:

Sounds good...I'm more fun :)

Guy:

I wouldnt know. Jus kidding.

Girl #1:

You son of a bitch!! J/k...

I might go out tonight.

Okay I'm not. Talk to u tomorrow :)

(The next day)

Guy:

Okay what about planning on a beer later :)

say 6 or 7. And just see what unfolds

Girl #1:

What about your other plans??

Guy:

Well im keeping it vague

and since u r just a friend,

I'm not going to feel bad

if we cut it short because someone else

wants to meet me afterward.

Hah, like u did the other day. Fair enough?

Girl #1:

Ha ha! Ok. You would not have had fun

if u came with me. It was lame. Me, my friend, and

her Weirdo husband at their house...

Guy:

That's perfect, u wouldn't have fun

w/ me later either b/c

my other plan might actually like me. Hehe

Girl #1:

Oh please! Of course they will,

but will they be as fun as me? NO

Guy:

We'll see, call me later?

Girl #1:

Stop being so mad at me.

Yes, let's plan for around 7?

(A few logistical texts later. I'm going to include times from here on out because they also say something...)

Girl #1:
5:28

You better not stand me up

because you're so mad at me ;)

It will hurt my heart. See u at 7

6:05

Ok, you're going right?

6:29

Tonight seems weird and you have plans after, so

let's plan for another time :)

Have fun tonight on your date!

Guy:

7:02

Are you effing kidding me? I just got the message that you want to bail?

I'm pissed I rushed home to take a shower so I could meet up with you

after you practically begged me.

I actually canceled my plans with a very sweet girl...

And now I've got nothing to do....

Damn it I'm so pissed. I was on a motorcycle ride with a friend

so I didn't get the texts until I got home and got out of the shower.

We rushed back from ___________ so I could meet you on time.

(Guy calls Girl #1 twice)

Girl #1:
7:02

I'm not answering cause I don't want to get yelled at.

I'm sorry I came across as begging you.

You made it sound like you had plans right after,

u didn't tell me u canceled. If u could relax a little

we could figure out what to do, Jesus!

Guy:

7:15

Whatever! You're acting totally crazy.