Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Why Dating Co-Workers Is A Bad Idea

**Editors' Note: Today's guest post comes in from "Slightly Disheveled." This is why we don't date co-workers.**

I was a head hostess in a "gourmet" pizza place. Our pasta chef was only a little bit older than I was and was really cute in a kind of awkward skater way. I flirted with him and exchanged off-color jokes and we were... friendly. He was quirky and offbeat. I like that.

He eventually got around to asking me out and took me out to dinner and to his favorite bar. I displayed my full range of ineptness at pool. Had some... was I young enough to have ordered RED WINE in a Dive Bar? I guess I was. One of the girls there kinda pulled me aside to tell me that he was bad news. Okay. Jealous much?

I got the flu soon after and he wanted to fix me a blood orange salad with a orange-balsamic vinaigrette dressing. He was speaking my language, so I let him come over. It was delicious. I agreed to another date after I got better.

He came into work the next time Absolutely Brilliantly Happy. He swung through the door and walked up to me and said: "You'll never ever guess what I found on my way to work. It's so cool. Not everyone would understand it though. But you would. You're really going to love this." He opened up his brilliant yellow backpack to show me three wet objects the size of a man's fist wrapped and tied off neatly in those long baggies that newspapers get delivered in. I was perplexed.

"They're cat heads."

(ahem)

"I'm going to put them in the back yard with the rest of them. You put a rock on top of the hole and the other critters don't eat them but the bugs clean them off."

I told him that I couldn't go on that date with him after all.

So he started showing up in my backyard at night watching my house "To make sure I was okay." He told me to watch for his Mickey's Wide Mouth Bottles in the recycling so that I would be able to tell how long he spent each night watching my house. Which he did... for about four bottles a night... for the next three weeks.

I left the state.

7 comments:

Serial Monogamist said...

Uhhhhhhhhhh .... did your name used to be Loren?

LaMo said...

Creepy Fatal Attraction guy needs a new hobby.
I'm curious, did "jealous" bar girl elaborate as to why he was bad news or did she just say that?
She should have elaborated.

"Slightly Disheveled" said...

LaMo... she should have elaborated, but it was Detroit, and she was all hard and dark about it. Cryptic. If I remember correctly, it was more like townie bar fight stuff. Not cat heads and stalking.

tally g said...

i thought sitting in a board room w/ my co-workers listening to the guy who happended to be your boss who fondled every inch of me the night before was bad...

but, touche. i love cats....ass.

itinerantwoman said...

haha, Serial, i was agonna write the same thing.

Serial Monogamist said...

@itinerant

Great bigole brilliant minds what are smarter than anyone else blog comment similarly.

Or so they say.

Colin of Day Game Dating said...

Oh my god, thats is feaky stuff.
A guys like that needs to be put in a mental home!

I suppose you have to be careful. Sometimes people are messed up but the majority I find are ok.

Cat Head? Freaky!