For five months I've been waiting for this bomb to drop in my new relationship.
We both grew up in the same small town, though we've both since moved away. However, he's still friends with several of his old buddies. I happened to have a one night stand with one of them eons ago. I was never going to bring this up; my sexual past is not something I particularly enjoy discussing, and we're pretty happy to follow the "don't ask, don't tell" guidelines.
I had some concerns about this other fellow, though. He's not known for his tact. Luckily they don't hang out too often though so I was just gonna keep my mouth shut. He was not so thoughtful.
Over drinks the other night, Tactless made it known that he had, in fact, had relations with me in the past. When I first heard about this my stomach almost shot out my eyeballs. Obviously My Man doesn't think I'm the Virgin Mary but did he know I hit so close to home?
My Man, the wonderful, caring guy that he is, informed me that he truly did not care about my past. Whew! I'm gonna go throw up now from relief.
Then I started wondering to myself what other things his friend were telling him about me. They don't have the slightest clue what's happened in my life but for any of you who grew up in a small town, you know that people will run their mouths about others whether they know the whole situation or not.
It took less than 3 minutes of conversation for me to be thrust back into my small town, without my even being there.
So, DIWers, here's one for you. Should I be more proactive about letting him know that this might happen again with another person he knows? I have way more faith that this other person won't share, but I guess you never can tell. Why do I have to be worrying about stuff that happened almost 10 years ago?!
I'll never go back to that small down. I won't die there. They won't bury me there. End of story.
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11 comments:
Dear Diane,
I actually discussed this last night with MamaT, and we're on different pages. She says tell Jack, and I say no. Why bother, he said he didn't care who you humped? Why drag all the bodies out of the closet?
I think I just mixed 14 metaphors right there. Apologies to my writing teachers.
Love,
S
Mmmmm, I'm with MamaT. You don't tell him, it comes up again, then his understanding becomes a little less standing. He starts wondering, "Hmmm...I know she's humped AT LEAST TWO of my friends...and didn't tell me" instead of, "I know she humped some dudes a long time ago and I'm not concerned about it because she explained what was going on for her in that period of her life and I'm comfortable that it doesn't impact our relationship now because we talked about it, not the numbers, but how it informs who she is now."
See the difference?
Yes, but what if (and I hope this is a big what if)he finds out from somebody else again? Not sure how he would, but again, you just can't be sure of anything in these damned match box towns.
OK, OK. Tells him already. You've convinced me.
Disclosure city, I guess. Me, I'm still keeping my trap SHUT.
Seriously, will he really care anyway?
I'm not worried that he'll care that I did it, I'm worried that he'll care that he found out from a 3rd party instead of myself. I'll probably go with the closed trap route, SM.
Anyone who tells you that you SHOULD tell him obviously hasn't had to tell such a thing to a loved one. You are better off by letting sleeping dogs lie.
So you're worried he'll find out from a third party instead of you and so your plan is to keep your mouth shut.
What am I missing?
@Cainmutiny: Have to. Also haven't and it was way better when I did. There's my bias.
SG. I know I'm backward but I really trust this other fellow more. To back that up they hung out all afternoon yesterday (gulp) and all was good. Not that I expect that they spoke a word of me, but still.
This is fucking ridiculous.
I know I'm posting on a really old thread but how about if he wanted to know he would ask? I don't know about you but I purposefly don't ask my lovers who they slept with because I do not want to know.
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