Thursday, April 23, 2009

Dear Serial Monogamist

Hello interwebs.

Not too long ago, a commenter accused me, THE Serial Monogamist, of trying to take over DIW with my giant ego. Really, I’m just so happy someone was paying attention to me. Thanks for caring. But I thought and thought about it; thought about me, re-read all of my old posts again and again, and realized that yes, Lucky, you’re right. It is all about me. Me and my ego.

Funny thing, in addition to being egomaniacal, (and incredibly modest) I’m also a knowitall. And what do egomaniacal knowitalls just love to do? Give advice. This came in from a friend of a friend, and I couldn’t help myself.

Dear Serial Monogamist,

After how many days of unreturned phone calls should I write a guy off as a jerk?


Miss Lonely Heart

Dear Lonely,

How many DAYS of unreturned phone calls? What the crap are you doing, lonely? Calling him day after day, leaving pathetic messages on his voice mail, and not hearing back? Or is this just one call, and then sitting around on your ass wondering when Mr. Wonderful is going to get around to thinking of you? Yikes.

Here’s the thing: If he doesn’t call you back, you can’t really write him off. He’s written you off. Forget about it. What you need to do is pull up your big girl britches, give him the finger, and move on.

But don’t be afraid to ask yourself why he didn’t call. Are you boring? Do you sit around waiting for awesome things to happen to you? Because that’s not really the way it works. I could be wrong (I think I was, like, once), but something about your question just reads “needy and boring.” Try being less of both. Go out and get an independent life. Take a drawing class. Learn a new hobby. Stop watching so much reality TV. Then maybe you won’t have to count days between phone calls.



Got a dating question? Email me at


Write up your alley said...

Serial Monogamist: making lonely hearts even lonelier since 2009.

Luck be a lady said...

You have more to be modest about than you seem to realize.

itinerantwoman said...

NO, sm, I am the original knowitallwriterbitch and I say you are not egomaniacal, not really, not exactly. great humility resides deep within you, made apparent because you are capable of taking advice as well as doling it out.

however, if you've been wrong once since 6th grade, you may be twice wrong.

Serial Monogamist said...

More to be modest about? As in, more awesomeness than even I realize? Thanks lucky. You're a doll.

And IW, I've know for eons that I wanted to be as knowitally as you when I growed up. I also wanted to be Dan Savage. So I'm working on em both, one post at a time.